I'm feeling very blessed lately. Monday, I started working a part-time job at the movie theater here. I know, how very high school of me, but it was literally one of the only night jobs I could think of. Plus, they pay well, which is still weird to me. I'm working mostly with young kids, but there are a few other young moms around my age. They let me work whatever hours I want, and my hope is to pay down my previous school bill over the summer before I incur more debt. So far it's super easy, absolutely no stress involved.
Back to the blessed part. Although I've only worked a totaly of two nights, it has made me feel very strong emotions about being away from my kids. I haven't worked outside our house since about three months into my pregnancy with C and A. I have always been with them, unless it's my choice to be gone for a few hours. Although I will have to give up three or four nights a week with Carl, I still see the kids during the day and suddenly I am really treasuring my time with them. It's so weird; I feel like they're going to grow up when I turn my back. They are all growing so much, and it makes me sad and happy and proud all at the same time.
I think I'm feeling the reality of trying to live in the moment. You know, not always wishing ahead to something different. I am horrible about this - always thinking that just around the corner is easy street, happiness, contentment. But that's so not true, which of course I know, but I am starting to really feel it, too. I feel able to look at my babies and realize that this time I have with them will be gone all too soon. Before I know it, we won't have lots of quiet evenings together. Well, maybe not quiet, but uneventful, nowhere to go, nothing pressing other than baths, stories, snuggling, and bedtime. Rather than be bored or frustrated with it, I want to breathe it in, savor it, relish this sweet time in our lives. Not just because they will be grown before I know it, but because you never know which day could be your last.
I heard on the radio this morning that Steven Curtis Chapman, a Christian singer, had had his 5 year old daughter killed yesterday. His 16 year old son didn't see her when she was playing in the driveway with other children and ran over her with the family's SUV. It was a complete accident, but I still can't even fathom what they're going through. I just broke down and cried as I listened to the news. That poor, poor boy; how will he cope with such a thing.
This all the more cemented my feelings of thankfulness for my own children. It's so easy to take things for granted, especially the things that are the closest to you, which in turn are usually the most important to you as well.
Speaking of important things, I think I'm going to head off to take a little nap. One downfall of movie theater work, (and probably one reason it's mostly kids who are out of school in the summer) is that it is a very late night job. Indiana Jones started at 12:01 am and I didn't get home until 1:30, so I'm beat. Hopefully I can get a little sleep in before the kids wake from their nap!