The entire drive to town I had butterflies in my stomach. I felt such a mixture of emotions; fear, nervousness, shame, failure, worry... the list goes on. Although I have never felt there was any problem with other people taking medication for something like anxiety, I didn't ever truly consider it for myself. So once I realized that I had to do something about the fact that I was getting close to selling my kids on eBay, (no, seriously-it was that or putting them in daycare permanently) and I couldn't get through breakfast with them without bawling my eyes out, while my heart nearly pounded out of my chest and my head felt like it was about to explode... well, that was when I realized I needed something MORE. More than just new resolve each morning. More than getting out of the house a few nights a week.
So, I went. I waited. (An hour and a half to be exact.)
And I got to see the best doctor I've ever seen. Seriously, I feel like I had a mini therapy session today! She was a young mom as well, completely understood feeling like you can't cope at times, and recommended trying a generic (we have no insurance) anti-anxiety medication. If I don't like it, or it doesn't work, I can try something else or just bag in altogether. So, I left with much relief, as well as hope, that things really will get better.
I completely realize that talking about this may not be the best idea... I know a lot of people are very against medications of this sort. But, I also want to be honest about what's going on in my life. That's what this blog if for, and it just so happens that my being on the verge of a mental breakdown are the current events in my life. So, there you have it. I am now a part of the millions of Americans relying on drugs to get through life. But, I am hoping that it will enable me to do just that: get through life. And actually, I want more than that. I want to enjoy it in the midst of all that is going on.
So here's to being open and honest with the internet. Think what you may - you don't have to live with me!