Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Headaches and Friendships

I have had a headache for nearly two weeks now. It doesn't seem to matter what I do-ibuprofen, tylenol, naps, tea, walks, cleaning, rest, etc.-nothing seems to work. I try them all, despite the fact that I know what is causing it, in hope that the damn thing will go away. But it doesn't. It doesn't, because stress, the cause of my aching head, will not go away either. We are destined to never finish our hell-house. (That is what I've taken to calling it.) This nightmare seems eternal.

Our contractor wants to file a lien against our house. He claims that construction is done, yet we are not paying him his final draw. We claim that construction is NOT 100% complete, that he has to fix our ridiculous "cellar-style" door that connects the outdoors to our basement, therefore he cannot collect his draw until he finishes it. He claims that he is not putting any more of his money into aforementioned door until he receives his draw money. So we are caught in a horribly vicious cycle of twilight zone proportions, with no end in sight. So you see, this mess, is my headache.

We have decided to list our house. We were previously going to try and sell it on our own, but seeing as how I already have a never-ending headache, we are going to give someone else the pleasure of getting rid of the stupid thing. I really hope that it doesn't take long, but I am not very optimistic considering the time of year.

The hardest part of this whole matter with the house, the contractor, the lien... the hardest part is the aloneness I feel. Don't get me wrong, Carl is very supportive and my parents are very supportive. But sometimes I feel the need to have someone other than just them. But I don't. I am not at a place in my life where I have "friends". I don't feel like there is anyone I can call up and just talk to. I suppose that even if I could, I wouldn't since I am not much of a phone person. But I suppose that I would like to feel like I could, you know? On top of feeling friend-less is this feeling of insecurity that goes along with it. What kind of person has no friends? But then when I consider my options, how does one go about making friends when they can barely get through everyday life with their head above water? Theoretical questions, I suppose, but I can't help wondering.


Becky said...

constructions sucks.
hell house made me laugh.
being alone in difficult circumstances is exactly how i felt in MT. Though technically, i guess i had friends, i didn't feel free to talk to them. everyone else's life seemed so perfect, and our issues made me feel like we were somehow inferior. most likely it was all in my mind, but that was how i felt.

so, i've got one space left on our free #s to call. let me know if you want me to add you :)

Kelli said...

I would love to be added:)

I suppose that to say I don't have any friends could be an insult to those I DO consider friends. But the transition of a girl who hangs out with friends once in a while, to a mother who never hangs out with friends, is a little hard. I should be used to it by now. I guess I didn't expect to get used to it though-I thought that things would eventually balance out, and we would have a life again. Different than before, yes, but I don't think that having children should make us feel like social outcasts, but it has. Sigh.

Thanks for understanding-it helps to know someone knows where I'm coming from. Also, I would love to hear from you!