: life after twins :

Coming out of hiding... sort of

2010-10-04T11:44:00.002-07:00

I realized it's been a long, LONG time since I've posted. I go back and forth about reviving my blog, starting a new one, etc. but mostly I just think about it. I'm not sure it is a priority right now, but we'll see. However, I have been really annoyed about all the negative attention babywearing is receiving lately. If you haven't already read about it, check out this article from Mothering Magazine and this post from Stephanie at Adventures in Babywearing.

So, I decided to ignore my indecisiveness over my blog for one day and link up in support of babywearing, which I honestly don't believe I could have lived without! I'm supposed to post a picture of my wearing one of my babies, but all of my photos from when the kids were littler (and my pics of them in slings/wraps, etc) are on discs and stored away. I only have more recent photos on this laptop. BUT, I did find a cute one of CeCe in our Kelty pack, which Carl wore her in frequently, so it will have to do.

What a week

2009-02-12T22:22:00.002-07:00

I am slightly disturbed that I wrote "you" instead of "your" in the title of my last post. I am even more disturbed that I just LEFT it! That shows what kind of week it has been.

Last Friday, our little dog, Badger, got into a bag of trash and ate a chicken carcass. I googled it, and everything I found said to feed them bread so that it would pad their stomach in case he ate too many bones. So, we fed him bread, and just waited. Sunday night, he was trying to (sorry, I am not sure if it is inappropriate to write about my dogs bowels or not, so I am!) poop and couldn't. So I still waited, but he still didn't poop on Monday. So Tuesday, I called the vet and they told me to bring him in immediately. But before I continue this story, I have to back up a little.

Monday night, I was leaving work at around 1:00 AM, and the Suburban wouldn't start. Luckily, our projectionist was still there as well (usually I'm the only one there by that point) so he tried to help me with it. We couldn't get it started, so he gave me a ride home. By this time, it was around 2:00 AM, so thank goodness he lives in Lakeside (he is the only of my co-workers who lives here also). We live about a 30 minute drive from town, so I hated to have to make Carl come get me when he wakes up at 4:00 AM as it is.

As I climbed into this guy's car, however, I thought maybe it wasn't the best decision to ride with him. He had about 5 HUGE daggers on his dashboard, as well as about 10 pair of black leather gloves. In addition to this, his car smelled to high heaven of incense and weed, and we listened to reggae very LOUDLY. Mind you, this guy is in his late thirties and one of the more responsible people I work with, so I felt totally fine about riding with him. I began to question my reasoning once I was in the car, though! We did make it home safely, so other than enduring one of the weirdest conversations of my life, I was fine.

So anyhow, the next morning, when I realized I needed to take Badger to the vet, I also realized I had no car. Since our vet is in Lakeside and Lakeside is about the size of half a city block, it wasn't that big of a deal to walk him down. My sister stayed with the kids, and he and I set off with him wrapped in his big, red, plaid, flannel blanket. We looked more that a little ridiculous and received quite a few odd stares, but made it with no major mishaps.

So, our car was fixed by my friend's dad today, but when I drove the kids to play at JuJuBee's it wouldn't start when we left. So we sat in the car for two hours in the freezing cold while my brother tried to fix it (Carl is at state wrestling in Billings).

So one new starter and LOTS of dog x-rays later, I am here, alone, on Thursday night listening to Iron and Wine and drinking my own glass of Cabernet.

I am SO glad I do not work for a few days!

What's in you food?

2009-02-03T10:11:00.003-07:00

I just read this blog post over at Small Notebook, and thought I'd share it with you. It is sort of unbelievable. If you are at all concerned about what you put into your body on a daily basis, check it out!

Cold Remedies

2009-01-22T08:31:00.004-07:00

I want to avoid these:

I have a cold that I can't seem to kick. Every few days I start feeling better, only to awaken with a throat that feels like it's been rubbed down with sandpaper. I went to the gym yesterday to workout, hoping that that would help, but instead I felt as if I was going to keel over on the elliptical.

So, my question is:

What home remedies do you have for cold symptoms that you can pass along to me? I really need something, so dig up your grandma's advice for me!

iPod Magic

2009-01-20T08:51:00.005-07:00

Carl finally got his Christmas present this weekend. Since it is actually a rather funny (in a sick sort of way), I will share the story with you. Here's what happened:

He has an 8GB iPod touch, but wanted the 2nd Generation with more memory. I had this brilliant idea (or so I thought) to check eBay first. Lo and behold, you could get a brand new 32 GB for the same price as the 16GB! So, I quickly bought the first one I won. In my defense, there were over twenty people bidding on each of the listings, so I was distracted by that fact. Because I was distracted, I failed to notice that the seller had NO feedback and was from THAILAND. Yup, you read that correctly. I chose to bid over three hundred dollars of our money on just such an item.

Needless to say, we never received the world's greatest deal. I (thankfully) had paid through PayPal, and upon filing a claim for an unrecieved item, discovered that PayPal will give you a full refund if the seller does not respond to their e-mails. Of course our seller never responded, the case was closed, and we should have payment today or tomorrow.

In the midst of all this, Carl ended up without a Christmas present from me at all. We had ordered him a new snowboard jacket from Steep and Cheap as well, but it was too big and had to be sent back. Not the best of Christmas luck!

So, while I was at Costco stocking up on a multitude of things last week, I browsed the electronic section (quickly, so as to avoid children screaming) and discovered they now carried a 16 GB iPod Touch. The price was great, I knew we were getting our refund, so I bought him one. I think it did more for me than for him, since I felt awful about failing to give him a Christmas present, whereas I don't think he cared all that much. Nevertheless, he loves his new iPod and I do too -- I inherited his 8GB. :)

Moral of the story: Don't order eBay items from sellers with zero feedback that reside in Thailand. I know, I probably don't need to state this fact, but I wouldn't have thought I would forget something so simple either!

Three Years and Counting

2009-01-18T20:51:00.006-07:00

Tomorrow is actually the twins' birthday, but we celebrated it yesterday with a birthday party at JuJuBee's Playhouse. JuJuBee's is this great little old house-turned-toddler-fun-land that my kids LOVE. It is so much fun - they have a bouncy castle, dress up, play kitchens and work benches, a train set, dolls, trucks, bikes and the list goes on. I love having somewhere to take them in the winter to play, plus I can take them by myself and feel safe because it's set up specifically for kids their ages.

Only a few of their friends were able to make it (5, to be exact) but it was perfect. They all had a blast, and it was easy since they were so entertained by all of the fun toys! I made these raspberry topped lemon muffins with this lemon glaze, along with a beautiful tray of fresh fruit (surprisingly delicious for the middle of winter!) and organic juice boxes and spritzers to drink. It was perfect for a brunch-type birthday party (I wasn't sure that anyone would want their kids consuming chocolate cupcakes at 10 A.M.)!

I really cannot believe that Cade and Avery are 3 already. The last three years has flown by quicker than I had ever thought possible. They "graduated" from their NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) follow-up clinic last week and are progressing amazingly. We are SO PROUD of them!

Their favorite meal is homemade pizza, so we made them that for dinner plus these chocolate ganache cupcakes for dessert (I omitted the coffee in the frosting, though. They were still good, but the coffee in the frosting REALLY makes these!). Also, even if you don't eat gluten-free, these cupcakes are TO DIE FOR. Seriously. The cake mix is the best ever -- they are the moistest cupcakes I have ever tasted. Ever.

For anyone who eats gluten-free, I made the muffins with gluten-free flour and soy milk and they turned out DELICIOUS. No one at the party could tell they were different -- they all LOVED them! But I am sure they are good with wheat flour. :)

Finally, here are a few pictures from our weekend:

Eating cupcakes in the buff!

The princess adjusting her crown while the prince looks on... for some reason, she would only answer to "princess" yesterday. Hmmmm.
Opening gifts
More opening gifts. I can just see him wondering if her gift is better than his!
Big smile from the birthday princess!
Birthday boy in the play house. He kept saying he was building a house for his friend Austin.
A platter of raspberry topped lemon muffins

Elyssa and Avery

Sliding

Eating a delicious summery-tasting strawberry
The fruit platter
The closest I could get to the two of them in the same picture smiling!
A little potty try before hand!

A few more cleaning recipes

2009-01-12T13:17:00.004-07:00

I have a massive headache today, so instead of getting ready to go to town and pay bills, I am resting for a bit. I have actually had a headache for about two weeks now. It just won't go away!

So, I thought instead I would share two more recipes. The first one is for dishwasher detergent, and all it amounts to is:

Equal parts Borax and Washing soda

Essential Oil of your choice

I mix two cups of the borax and washing soda and then store it in a mason jar (we're big mason jar fans around here! I use them for everything!) with a tablespoon inside for dispensing. When I wash a load of dishes, I just put one tablespoon in the little cup inside the dishwasher and then sprinkle a few drops of Tea Tree Oil on top. I started out using only the powders, but our dishes had a weird whitish film on them. Once I stuck with it, but added a few drops of the oil, it worked. Every now and again a dish doesn't come as clean as I'd like it to, so I re-wash it by hand. But for the most part, I have been very happy with this mixture. Plus, it is so nice for the Borax and Washing soda to be duel purpose. It makes things very easy and very cheap!

I have also been making an all-purpose cleaner:

1/4 cup vinegar

Water (to fill average size spray bottle)

12-15 drops essential oil of your choice

I use an old Mrs. Meyer's Spray Bottle, which I believe is about the same size as a Windex bottle. I mix it all up, and use it for all surface cleaning, from the kitchen, to the bathroom, to the dining room table or the front of the television. It works great, and once it dries you cannot smell the vinegar at all, only a hint of whatever oil you have used. I use lavender because I love it, but there are so many great smelling oils that will smell nice as well as fight bacteria. If you use it for windows and it streaks a little, just mix another bottle of the same mixture, but add a few drops of ammonia and that should do the trick. I find that this mixture works fine for windows/mirrors if I rub till dry and it's not too cold out. It just doesn't evaporate as well without the ammonia in it.

For toilet bowl cleaner, I simple sprinkle baking soda around the bowl, douse it with white vinegar, and the sprinkle with lavender or tea tree oil. Let is sit for a bit, scrub thoroughly, sit again and then flush. Sparkly clean!

A New Year

2009-01-09T22:33:00.005-07:00

So, my resolutions this year are really a series of small goals. I always overwhelm myself with a million vague-ish ambitions for the year that I forget about quickly (amid a sea of guilt). So this year, I am focusing mainly on being healthy and getting out of debt. I know, that sounds vague-ish, right? Well, it's actually not, because I plan on breaking my year up into little segments where I will focus on one thing at a time, while trying to forget all the other goal-like pressures I tend to impress upon myself.

So, first off, I am reading Dave Ramsey's book The Total Money Makeover. His first step in achieving debt-free financial freedom is to save $1,000.00 for a small emergency fund. So, that is what I am working on first. I feel a little ashamed to say that we do not have that already, but oh well. Part of achieving freedom from debt is setting aside the expectations others (and society) have on us. So, that is number one.

As for being healthy, I am going to focus first on squeezing in some time to work out, and also try to regularly drink enough water every single day. So, although even those few things somewhat overwhelm me, I feel like keeping focused on a few small goals will help me become closer to my bigger goals. Wish me luck!

I thought I would also share another of my new recipes I have been using. This one is my homemade laundry soap.

1 cup borax

1 cup washing soda

1 bar of soap, grated finely

I mix these ingredients together, store them in a mason jar, and use one tablespoon of the mix per load of laundry. I add a few drops of essential oil to the detergent once I have put it into my washing machine (I use lavender, because I love the smell and it helps remove bacteria, also) and the I add a capful of white vinegar for fabric softener. I thought this all sounded crazy when I first tried it out, but I now LOVE it. It gets my clothes every bit as clean as the old laundry detergent, but is SO CHEAP and all natural.

So, again, don't be afraid by having to mix it up on your own, because it is way too easy for that!

The one where I share my Homemade Baby Wipe Recipe

2009-01-06T09:47:00.002-07:00

For those of you that use baby wipes, I have been meaning to post the recipe I've been using for Homemade Baby Wipes. I have read countless ways to make them over the last three years, but have never attempted it until recently, figuring it would be to difficult or time consuming to be worth it. But, I was very wrong! They are so simple, so easy and so fast! Not to mention very cheap in comparison to regular baby wipes. So, do not be scared by the thought of one more thing to put on your to-do list -- these literally take five minutes to make. So here it is (go try it out, you know you want to)!

1/2 roll of sturdy paper towels (I've been using Viva brand and they are awesome)

1/8 cup baby oil

1/8 - 1/4 cup baby wash of your choice (I use Baby Magic because it smells so darn good)

2 cups hot water

Mix all the liquid ingredients in a bowl, cut the paper towels in half so you have two short rolls, put one into the liquid until absorbed (only a few seconds) and then squeeze out the liquid until they are as moist as you want them. I squeeze out quite a bit, I don't like them too wet.

And that's it! They are so fast and super cheap.

Photo update before the New Year!

2008-12-30T22:22:00.005-07:00

Our Christmas was wonderful. Busier than I had planned, but still enjoyable. Our meal turned out to be fabulous -- seriously, try some of the recipe links I posted -- they were absolutely delicious! It was so fun to enjoy Christmas through children's eyes, as well. The kids loved opening gifts, and loved everything the received.

We went to my parent's house on Sunday for some snow playing time, which was a blast. This was really the first time the kids have actually played in the snow. We had tried taking them out last year, but they just didn't like it very much. This year, however, they were in love. They made snowballs, helped Nana make a snow-owl (very cute, by the way), pulled their little sled around and eventually played in the snow cave Carl built. All in all, it was one of the most fun days I've had in ages. I forgot how fun it can be to play in the snow!

Well, I am off to bed. I will leave you with a few photos of our last week or so...

Happy New Year! See you in 2009!

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Kids covered in flour while making gluten-free sugar cookies. They turned out delicious, and all three kids were able to help (most of our cookies were littered with fingerprints!). Also, this is one of the only pictures I have of all three kids together and smiling. A Christmas miracle!

Carl and I at Ciao Mambo, an Italian restaurant in Whitefish. We were able to escape Friday night to have dinner with four other couples, minus all 18 of our children. Seriously, there are really 18 of them between all five couples. Crazy, huh?! There actually may even be 20, I just can't remember how many one family has. :)
Our view from our house. The Mission Mountain range in the Rockies, with Flathead Lake below.
We saw this face frequently -- she kept getting stuck in the deep snow. It was pretty funny.

My Mom and Ave's in the snow cave. The loved it, but it scared me to death -- I could just imagine it collapsing on someone!
This is what CeCe looked like when she wasn't stuck. So cute!
Avery in the snow cave again.
This looks posed, but it's really not. Cade fell in the snow, then looked up at my Mom and laughed. It is so cute, but makes me think of cheesy photo shoots!

The girls looking out the big window at all the snow after a long day of snowball making.

Christmas Shopping (plus our menu!)

2008-12-22T09:10:00.003-07:00

I loved hearing about everyone's weather in the comments on my last post. It is crazy to me that winter suddenly descended on most of our country. This is the first time since we've lived here that I remember having this much snow and these cold temperatures here. Maybe we've had it like this in the mountains, but not on the valley floor like us. In fact, my in-laws are taking the train out from Eastern Montana to stay with us, and the train isn't running until (hopefully) tomorrow, because the weather conditions are too awful. I had no idea that weather could keep a train from running. I am not sure why, but I assumed that trains could run in any weather. Silly me .

Anyhow, I had planned on going to town tomorrow with my mother-in-law to finally get all of our food for Christmas Dinner, Eve, and the weekend. But, since they won't be here until late tomorrow night, and the next day is Christmas Eve, I figured I had better venture out today! So, I am taking my sisters with me for reinforcements, and we are off to Costco and the grocery store. I need to make myself a detailed list so that I don't forget anything. So far, our menu will be something like this:

Christmas Eve:

We always have homemade pizza, so that will be the same. Although this year, gluten-free!

Christmas Day:

Spiced Ham with Orange Slices
Creamy Herbed Potatoes
Haricot Vert with Shallots
Peas and Cheese Salad
Sweet Corn
Homemade Rolls
Pie for dessert: Pecan, Pumpkin and Cherry

Plus yummy vegetables and homemade ranch dip, olives, summer sausage, crackers and cheese,

pickled asparagus, artichoke dip, and all of our delicious candy and cookies.

I am certain that there will be far more food than we will need, but since there will be 15 or

so of us, I think variety will be nice. ;)

At least, that's what I am telling myself so I have some motivation for my shopping spree ahead.

Christmas Cheer

2008-12-20T23:44:00.002-07:00

It is unbearably cold here right now. It was 21 below earlier, and I guess it is supposed to be something like 30 below tonight! I hate it when it is THIS cold, it is just too extreme. I was hoping Carl and I would be able to go skiing over my break from school, but if it doesn't warm up, I am not going.

So, on the 8th, Carl and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary. We actually didn't do anything to celebrate, per se, because I had class. But, we were celebrating (inwardly!) because we have had a rather tumultuous three years and I am so proud that we are so happily married.

I tried to go Christmas shopping today, but I was only able to buy a few things at small stores because all the stores up around Target were so packed I could not find a parking space anywhere! I decided nothing was worth fighting that mob of people and just came home. I am hoping I will be able to try again tomorrow or Monday night. I just have a few things left to buy, but I would like to finish before Christmas Eve! I suppose I deserve this for waiting so long. :) I am actually making a lot of our gifts homemade this year, such as earrings, necklaces, scarves and such. It has been really fun to hand make things for everybody. I hope that next year I am able to start sooner so that I can make more of my gifts hand made.

Oh, that reminds me -- I was able to get this kitchen at Costco for only 99.00! I was so excited, because that was all I wanted to get the girls. I got Caden a train set, also at Costco, and both are made of wood and child safe. We are having a plastic-free Christmas, which I am so happy about! The kids are getting wooden magnets for the refrigerator (animals and the alphabet), a book each, and then a few stocking stuffers. Oh, also Planet Earth on DVD, which I am sure they will love. If you haven't watched this series, you should check it out, because it is so awesome. Little Travelers is another video I would like to get them, but I am thinking we will wait for the twins' birthday, since it is in January. Each of these DVD's are great if you have young children; they are very educational, but also seem to capture and keep children's attention. I can't wait to watch Planet Earth with them!

I hope everyone is enjoying their final weekend before Christmas! Stay WARM!

Advent

2008-12-07T22:23:00.001-07:00

If you haven't viewed this video yet, you definitely should. It is so good! I am trying SO HARD to keep Christmas simple this year. It is not easy for me, but watching this video clip reminds me why I want to do things differently. So watch it -- it's only a few minutes out of your day. You won't regret it.

Give Thanks

2008-11-27T00:20:00.006-07:00

Things that are currently on my mind:

NieNie. If you haven't heard about this wonderful blogger, I am not sure where you have been hiding. She and her handsome Mr. Nielson were in a horrible plane crash in August, and are still in recovery. Her husband posted the most beautiful thank-you video today for all of the support they have received since the accident, and it had me in tears. Seriously, go watch it. Then read about all they've been through. She will touch your life. I mean it.

Thanksgiving. I cannot believe it is the holiday season. I am anticipating tomorrow and then Christmas oh-so-much this year! Although, I am also trying very intensely to not let it get the best of me. I am determined to enjoy it, yet keep it as simple as possible. Holidays tend to wind me up tighter than a top, what with all the POSSIBILITIES!

Food. I baked some fairly tasty gluten-free rolls, which I plan on using to make yummy homemade stuffing tomorrow. I also baked a lemon-meringue pie, two pumpkin pies and the best cupcakes I have EVER tasted. Ever. Even if you do not have to eat gluten-free, seriously, try these cupcakes . Mocha Chocolate Ganache. Need I say more?! (Also, you would NEVER know they are gluten-free! They are seriously THAT GOOD!)

I have been married nearly three years, have three beautiful children, my mother has been cancer-free for one year now, I get to spend Thanksgiving with my family tomorrow and I have lived nearly 25 beautiful years. What more could a girl ask for?

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Giveaway!

2008-11-19T10:21:00.003-07:00

So, I just wanted to let everyone know that there is another great giveaway going on over at Simple Mom. She is giving six people the chance to win some really great re-usable shopping bags. She gives you three chances to win, and there are six different giveaways, so it's worth stopping by!

Productive Sunday

2008-11-16T22:18:00.005-07:00

I worked during the day yesterday, instead of at night as I usually do, and then we planned on taking the kids and Elyssa to see Madagascar 2. Carl and the kids headed to town while I showered and then I was supposed to meet them at the theatre. As I was hurrying around the house, I ran into our bedroom door with my pinky toe and it hurt like CRAZY. I kept thinking it should feel better any time, but it just kept getting worse and worse.

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So, we have decided that we think I broke it. How stupid, seriously. Who breaks their toe by stubbing it on their bedroom door? So, the movie was a little un-fun -- especially when CeCe stomped on it in the middle of "We like to move it, move it!". The kids danced like little Village People, ate their weight in sugar and generally enjoyed themselves immensely. CeCe lasted through all but the last twenty minutes of it, whereupon I took her in the hallway and she ran to her little heart's content. It was fun, despite the throbbing in my stupid little toe.

Tonight, I made the most DELISH dinner, penne pasta with vodka cream sauce. You

seriously have to try it out. It was SO easy, and everyone loved it! I used Tinkyada rice pasta, so it was completely gluten-free and I felt wonderful afterwards. I also use this chicken sausage from Costco that is the absolute best - it is sundried tomato, basil and provolone flavored. Gluten free, nitrate free and organic. I love it, and the kids now eat it in place of hot dogs. They also love it, so that makes it even more popular around here. The pasta is the absolute best gluten free pasta. I cannot even taste a difference in this pasta and regular wheat pasta, and I've served it to people who eat gluten and they cannot taste a difference either. It's so fun to find yummy tasting, gluten-free foods! So if you need a super tasty, super easy, super FAST meal anytime soon, try this one.

We have been working on installing a wood stove for some time now. We are installing this Vermont Castings stove, but have been preparing a hearth pad and the wall behind it. We decided to use slate, since that is what we have used in other areas of our house and really like the look of it. I mortared the wall tiles today, so they are all in place and we have half of them grouted. It was actually really a fun project. I was really scared to do it by myself, but I did it and so far, so good. My mom is helping me with the grout, but after this project I feel much more confident in my tiling abilities. Next, I want to tile a backsplash in my kitchen! I'll post some pictures tomorrow of the slate tomorrow!

On Simplicity

2008-11-15T01:50:00.002-07:00

The theme of my life lately is simplicity. Or, rather, the desired theme for my life is simplicity. Maybe it's more the focus. I'm not sure exactly, but that is what I want. Even in the midst of all of our busyness, I want a simple lifestyle. I want to enjoy and appreciate the little, unimportant things for the huge, special things that they are. This blog post is a really great sum of a simple life. I loved the way they wrote it all out.

Tonight, I came home from work around midnight to find my husband and all three kids sprawled out in our bed, sound asleep. CeCe heard me come in and woke up, and then Carl quickly woke up as well. So, we sat on the bed and shared a little ice cream in bed while Caden and Avery slept soundly. I then snuggled down between CeCe and Carl and thought about how blessed I am. Soon, Caden and Avery woke, so we all snuggled for a while (there was a lot of giggling, too) while I thought more about how blessed I am. After a lot of snuggling (and even MORE giggling) we decided that they probably were not going to go back to sleep in our bed, so we transferred them to their own room. Which is why I am blogging at 2:00 am. I just read that post on simplicity and it reminded me yet again that the simplest things in life are almost ALWAYS the best!

I hope you have a lovely, simple Saturday.

2008-11-13T11:20:00.004-07:00

While I showered and dressed yesterday, the kids hung out in our bed and watched something on TV. They love cuddling in our bed, as you can see, and wanted their pictures taken. For some reason, when I take Caden's picture lately, he smiles so big his eyes are completely squinted shut in the picture. I don't know why, but it is hilarious to me. While I thought CeCe was also on my bed, I discovered her in the bathroom going through the drawers for treasures. She ended up smelling of Clinique Happy all day long. At least, some version of Clinique Happy, but since it's been in my possession for years now it doesn't smell quite right!

I am overloaded with school work right now. I have several papers to write as well as a few presentations to put together plus a ton of reading to catch up on. I've been sick all week, so I have had a hard time motivating myself. I am feeling a little better today, so hopefully I will make some progress on all of my projects.

I am not sure if I've shared with you yet about any of my Christmas projects, but for today I'll show you our Jesse Tree. Well, I'll show you the beginnings of a Jesse Tree. If you follow the links, you'll find some information on what it is. It is basically an advent tree, but it's a really fun way to do it. I am working on making a bunch of cute felt ornaments for ou

r tree. They're so fun and easy so far! The kids have really been into Bible stories lately, so I think this will be a fun way to show them what Christmas is really about. I know this isn't the best picture, but it does show a few of my favorite ornaments. The manger, the coat of many colors, the stump and the tent. I can't wait to find our trees this year, also, because the kids are super excited about Christmas. They don't remember it (at least, I don't think they do) from last year, so this is really fun this year for them to be excited about all the lights, and trees and decorations!

Well, I'm off to read more "Lost in Translation". Have a great day!

Giveaway!

2008-11-06T09:27:00.003-07:00

This giveaway is just too good not to mention to you guys. Head on over to Simple Mom, because she is giving away one Epson printer that is to die for! She gives you a chance to enter THREE times! Check it out, because I would love for someone I know to win this thing!

Other Mondays

2008-10-27T10:45:00.003-07:00

I have a love/hate relationship with Mondays. Some Mondays I wake up depressed and overwhelmed by the week stretching out before me. Those are the Mondays where I have had a busy weekend away from home, where I procrastinated with my ironing, my schoolwork and my household chores. My house is a disaster, my kids cranky and my to do list endless.

But then there are the other type of Mondays. Those like today, where I did an entire weeks worth of ironing last night while watching Gossip Girl online (yay! Carl actually has wrinkle-free work clothes for the first time in WEEKS!). On days like today I have a clean house (thanks, Mom!) our laundry is almost completely caught up, I have one child who is getting the hang of potty training, my schoolwork in almost completely caught up and dinner is easy, delicious and already started at 11:00 a.m. I love Mondays like this.

We are having yummy shredded mexican chicken (recipe below), with this easy rice and this salad. Yum!

Shredded Pork:*

6-7 pounds pork tenderloin

sauce:

3 (8 oz.) cans tomato sauce

2 (8 oz.) cans el pato sauce (in the yellow can)

2 cups brown sugar

1 cup water

Mix together sauce ingredients and pour over pork. Let cook in crockpot 8-9 hours. That's it!

I actually used frozen, boneless, skinless chicken breasts and thighs instead. This recipe is borrowed from one I found on Elizabeth Bryant's blog The Dish on Delish. However, I found it through NieNie Dialogues and can't seem to link directly to it, hence the writing out of the recipe.

Progress

2008-10-22T11:20:00.003-07:00

Today the twins climbed up into the recliner together to snack on their cheese sticks. It was so cute that I had to take a picture of it! They just sat and chilled with each other while they watched Yo Gabba Gabba. I love that they still have a special bond with each other. I had hoped that as twins they always would, but wasn't sure if that would happen since they are boy/girl twins. But, they definitely love each other and it's fun to watch them grow up.

I also had to post a recent picture of CeCe. She was sitting at the table with her blankey eating her cheese stick. She always gives me the best smiles for pictures!

I love it. They're getting so big so quickly!

And for the big news of the day: Avery has peed on the potty TWICE! She was so mad the first time I sat her on it, but when she realized she had peed and I was giving her two Skittles as a reward, she was thrilled. So the next time she had to go, she told me and then went and sat down on her own. I am beyond proud of her. I know that this doesn't mean she is fully potty trained, but I feel like she is finally getting it. I cannot wait to have one done! I hope that she will encourage the others to follow suit. They definitely want candy when she gets it, so I am hoping that that is motivation as well!

Pumpkin Pie

2008-10-21T09:59:00.002-07:00

The kids call pumpkins "pumpkin pie" for some reason. No one is really sure why, but no matter how many times we tell them it is simple called a pumpkin, they reply with "Pumpkin Pie" in a very loud, happy voice.

While we were driving to town the other day, Avery said that there were pumpkin pies EVERYWHERE! They kept seeing them on porch steps and in front of stores. So, we drove out to the produce stand near Columbia Falls and bought each child a pumpkin pie. They are now displayed on our own porch steps awaiting carving. Well, that is, if we ever get around to it. They look quite pretty as they are, so I don't think I'll mind terribly if we don't carve out their insides.

I am making this beef stew for dinner, and since I haven't eaten anything for breakfast I am feeling quite hungry as I mentally think of what I need to take out of the refrigerator. I have used this recipe before, and it is delicious. I don't put the orange peel in though because I thought it was a little too overpowering. It's really yummy without it anyway.

School is going so well lately. I cannot believe how much I am enjoying it. I am doing exceptionally well in all of my classes and am in awe that the semester is half over already! I can't wait to see what classes I'll be taking next semester.

I know a while back I mentioned that we were potty training, but we stopped. I am horribly inconsistent when it comes to this particular task and have been really lazy about it. But, after this weekend, I decided I will now do exactly what everyone says not to do and FORCE MY CHILDREN TO BE POTTY TRAINED. I do not care if it takes two months, they now wear panties in the daytime and are learning that they are supposed to use the damn potty. You may wonder what has caused such an extreme reaction to this. Well, let me tell you:

POOP. EVERYWHERE. GROUND. INTO. THE. CARPET. AND. THEIR. HAIR.

And that is all I have to say on that subject.

Ordinary Day

2008-10-15T20:26:00.003-07:00

Lately, Avery loves everything. Well, unless she hates it. She lovvves bacon. This morning, when she saw it sitting on the plate waiting to be eaten, she said "Nummy! Bacon! I LOVE BACON!" and proceeded to take a giant bite of her stolen slice of bacon. She also loves soup. She always makes sure to declare her loves IMMEDIATELY and LOUDLY.

While I was grilling our tilapia for fish taco salads tonight, the kids played on our front porch. I heard Avery say "What's that Mommy?" and then I looked down to see a little bug. I said "That's a stink bug Aves", then watched her stoop down, pick the bug up and run off. I watched her as she went into the garage, Caden close behind, to put her stink bug down on the woodstove sitting in the garage. Caden tried to touch it, to which she replied vehemently: "NO CAY CAY, IT'S MY STINK BUG!" and swiped her bug up before he could snatch it away from her. She carried that poor thing around for about 2o minutes, setting it down every so often to tell it loudly to GO! When it did nothing, she would grab it up and move on to her next task. I must sadly report that a couple of legs were ripped off in the process and the poor little thing was dead about 45 minutes after discovery. I tried to tell her to be careful with it, but she didn't listen. The cute part was that she didn't intend to hurt it, she really loved that squirmy little thing and seeing as how I HATE bugs of any sort, I didn't want to discourage her. I do not want my children to have a fear simply because they saw it displayed in me, so I let her play with the stink bug to her hearts content.

This blog shouldn't really be all about Avery. Caden begged me to "Take his pitcher" all day long, posing in the same way with different silly smiles on his face repeatedly. As for CeCe, well, she makes us laugh over and over all day long. That child is so random and unique and funny that I don't even know how to describe her. She has taken to telling me when she is poopy by screeching poo-poo at the top of her lungs and grabbing at her crotch. It is hilarious, and makes me think that she will soon be ready for potty training as well.

So, all in all we had a good day. It was actually really, horrible moment-by-moment, filled with screaming and me thinking that I just needed a very long nap. But there were more good things than awful, so I feel very contente this evening. I am so very blessed to have such a wonderful little family who I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

New Eating Habits

2008-10-13T21:13:00.004-07:00

I have been making a lot of changes in my life. Everyone in our house has been actually. We have officially become a gluten-free household. And since, I have never felt better. This is something I've been wanting to do for a while, but have been hesitant to do so because it is such a huge change in our lifestyle. But, the situation warranted a change so I figured we may as well start with the gluten. My Mom has stopped eating gluten because when you have celiac disease, your body attacks your small intestine rather than the gluten and since that is where they found cancer, she figured she would give it a try. Plus, she has practically all the symptoms of celiacs. (She has been feeling SO MUCH better!) Anyway, I have always had headaches. Well, at least since high school, and my doctor/doctors have never been able to figure out a reason. They told me I had a thyroid disorder, but there wasn't super concrete evidence.

I do have a point in giving you my medical history. I decided we would cut out gluten, since one symptom of gluten intolerance/celiac disease is chronic headaches, among other symptoms that my kids and I all have. I am not totally certain about them yet, but I have not had a headache other than when I have accidentally eaten something containing gluten. I am trying out lots of new recipes, such as gluten-free pasta, which is fun but also a little scary. Although, I have found a pasta that literally tastes NO different than regular pasta.

Also, my cousin has apparently had celiac disease for a number of years now and he and my aunt have come up with their own flour recipe that they are now marketing! So, if you happen to be someone who eats gluten-free, check out their website: www.meistersgf.com

For some reason, blogger isn't letting me link things right now, so I just posted the actual address. Hmmm, I hope they fix that!

My husband is now 28

2008-10-12T01:04:00.003-07:00

Today my husband turned 28 years old. I called him old man all day long. I went to Walgreens at 1:00 AM when I got of work last night (or should I say this morning) to buy him a birthday card, iTunes gift card and two Red Bulls. I was quite proud of my last minute gift purchasing, seeing as how he always wants to download more music onto his iPod Touch but whines about paying for it. He also loves loves LOVES energy drinks and is trying to not buy them as often because they are so expensive, so I thought I would buy him TWO so he has some for the weekend. He was very happy with his gifts, especially considering that I thought they were rather pathetic.

Tonight, we went to Famous Dave's with my parents and brother for a yummy dinner and good drinks. It was so much fun! Then Carl and I walked around Target and TJ Maxx for a bit and then went to see Eagle Eye. It was such a good movie! I lovvvved it. What a fun night! I think I felt like it was MY birthday rather than his!

Lately, Avery's new saying is "'Scuse me, Mommy!". I mad us some chicken, rice and vegetable soup for lunch today and while she was sitting at the table waiting for her soup she said "'Scuse me, Mommy. I need a spoon!" It was too cute. She also drank her soup rather than using the aforementioned spoon, which is weird, but that is exactly what I've come to expect from two year olds. They are just plain weird. But also so sweet and lovable and fun. I really love toddlers, even if they are frustrating little $%@# most of the time!

I turned in my first paper for my English Composition class (thank you for the editing Becky and Em!) and I am very pleased with how it turned out. I just wrote it on the day the twins were born, but it's a pretty emotional story and I think it turned out well. I hope so at least. I have always thought that it could be neat to write a book on our NICU experiences and our preemie experiences, but am not sure that I'd have enough info to actually make it into a book. Plus, I'm not really all that confident in my writing abilities. At least, not yet. Maybe someday.

Tomorrow we are going to try to make it to church (for the first time in MONTHS!) and I am looking forward to it. It is always nice to see everyone and the kids love going. We are also planning on going to some friends house afterwards or possibly for dinner, where we are going to meet their brand new adopted daughter from Africa. I believe she is three, and in her pictures she is beyond adorable, and I cannot wait to meet her.

Have a good weekend everyone and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HONEY!

My weekly post

2008-10-08T10:04:00.002-07:00

I'm really not doing very well with my blog lately. I have such good intentions when it comes to writing something, but then something more important comes up and I forget all about it.

Lately, CeCe has been taking a morning nap while the twins stay up with me. She still needs two naps a day, but they won't sleep that much anymore (I really never thought I'd see the day!) and I quite like it. I get to spend a little time with just the two of them and me, and we don't get that much anymore. Plus, Cece is happy the entire day when she gets enough sleep versus the screaming monster she becomes on days where she only gets one nap. So far, it's a win-win situation.

We went to North Dakota for a wedding this last weekend. It went really well; lots and lots of driving, but relaxing. We left Thursday night and arrived at Carl's parents house around 2:00 am. From 11:30 on, I drove and the car was SILENT. I listened to my favorite Regina Spektor songs over and over and over. It was pure BLISS! I have never enjoyed being in the car so much. It was funny to be enjoying alone time while in the midst of four other people, but enjoy it I did.

We left the kids with Carl's parents Saturday night while we went to the wedding in Bismarck. It was so weird to be away from them overnight. We went to the wedding (in the middle OF NOWHERE ) and were back at our hotel by 8:00 pm. Carl fell asleep by 8:30, while I worked on homework for three hours and then watched Love and other Disasters. It was so nice, so peaceful, so productive! But, we laughed about the way we chose to spend our free time away from the kids. Just thinking about it makes me feel old!

The kids did great, Nancy did a great job taking care of them (although I think it may take her a while to recover from the tornado that is my family) and it was a very relaxing weekend. I found a bunch of great sturdy fabric at the store Carl's family owns for making re-usable grocery bags, as well as some fleece for making Badger a coat. Oh, wait, you don't know about Badger, do you?

A friend of ours had a mini daschund he had been given but couldn't keep, so he gave him to us. He is three years old, perfect with the kids, small, doesn't shed, snuggly but not a nuisance and basically fits into our family perfectly. We love him, he is such a great little dog! Anyway, he gets really cold because I don't keep our house very warm, so I am going to make him a little jacket. Silly, I know, but I feel bad for him!

Before this becomes the longest post ever, I had better get to working on my project for my technology class. I have a ton of work to do and it's due tonight!

Pear Budget Giveaway!

2008-09-26T08:21:00.002-07:00

Remember the budget tool I mentioned a while back called Pear Budget? Well, it's normally $3.00 a month. BUT, if you head on over to Gidget Goes Home you can sign up for a giveaway! She is offering a one year use of Pear Budget for free! She even gives you FOUR chances to win! So head on over there and sign up. It's worth it, I promise. :)

Overdue Update

2008-09-24T21:26:00.002-07:00

As always, busy, busy, busy here. My classes are going really well. I mean REALLY well. I love them. I love going to school, I love learning new things, refreshing my memory on old things and feeling like I'm working towards a goal. I am taking a class called Intro to Education, and the more I learn about it, the more certain I am that teaching is the career for me. I just feel cut out for it, and I don't recall ever feeling that way before. I'm doing well so far, too, which helps out a lot in the attitude arena. If I get a bad grade I may change my mind, just to warn you.

We're all doing good. The kids are good, growing like little weeds. Cece is 17 months old and talking more and more everyday. I cannot believe my baby is so big. I still love the moments when she will allow me to snuggle her, and already miss her baby days. I now understand why your children are always your "babies". I never want them to get to big for me to snuggle them.

Caden and Aver 2 years 8 months! Wow... I've been a mother for almost 2 1/2 years. Crazy how fast it's gone by. I sure can't imagine my life without them. They have been getting their physical and speech therapy for free through early intervention here for the last year (since we don't have health insurance) but when they did the one year evaluation, they didn't qualify! This is good news and bad news at the same time. I love that they are scoring higher than their actual age level, but at the same time, I would like them to continue seeing their therapists longer than this, but I am trying to look on the bright side. I can't believe that my babies are talking, walking, running and climbing. Drawing, painting, imagining, loving and describing the world around them. I especially cannot believe they will be 3 years old in 4 months.

We finger painted today for the first time. Very messy, but very fun. They did well, and I'll save those pictures forever I'm sure! They also made cute colored paper fall trees and leaves which are proudly displayed on my cabinets. They love to look at them and remember that they created them themselves. I am really looking forward to the pumpkin patch this year, as I am sure that they will enjoy it more than in year past when they just looked around like, Hey Mom, what the heck are we doing here?!

I am heading over to a friends' house tomorrow evening for the Season Premiere of Grey's Anatomy. She is cooking dinner, I'm bringing the wine, and a few of us are going to hang out without children or husbands and enjoy ourselves. I'm quite looking forward to it!

Delicious

2008-09-16T11:12:00.002-07:00

I'm not sure how many of you use Delicious, but it's totally awesome and you should really check it out. I've been using it recently, and have fallen in love with it. It is THE BEST way to organize anything and everything online. I actually even use it for a cookbook. I added a link on the side of my blog with my tags, so use it, play with it, and maybe you'll find a use for it too!

For Sandra and Hayden

2008-09-09T09:26:00.003-07:00

First of all, I thought I'd share a little something. Some people, once they've been a mother for a few years, miss their children being babies and decide they need another. They just can't get over the fact that they're done with the baby stage. Which, for many women, is fine - better than fine, actually, because it's what is right for them and their family.

For me, though, it's different. I already, after only 2 1/2 years of being a mother, miss my crazy little toddlers being sweet, snuggly little babies. But rather than want to start over with a new one, it makes me wish I had treasured their babyhood a little more, a little longer. Snuggled them more, played more, cherished more. Let the to-do list go a little longer, realized that relationships are SO MUCH more important than a clean house.

So for me, the missing of the baby days is causing me to live in the present. To (try to) cherish each day, to love them NOW, while they're still little, to remember how quickly this time goes by, to try and avoid regrets.

Being a mother is so all consuming, so emotional, such a roller coaster, so wonderful... so many adjectives all in one. :) Babies make you busy, they make life fly by simply by their being, so from someone who is trying to learn (before it's too late) to cherish these years, take it from me: start at the beginning. Don't wait even 2 1/2 years. You can't ever get them back.

Have fun with him, Sandra!

Also!:

I absolutely loved baby Boden rompers for my kids, so I am going to send you a two pack to love for Hayden. But, I can't seem to figure out how to display a picture of the cute little things, so I'll just add a link and Sandra, you can go check them out!

Cute twin pack of baby boy rompers

I hope you enjoy snuggling him in them, and I can't wait to meet him through your pictures and descriptions. Maybe someday we'll even be able to meet you all in person. :)

Congratulations friend!

Awkward moment in TJ Maxx

2008-09-07T19:31:00.004-07:00

Lately, when Avery gets hurt (or even when she isn't hurt... she tends to have a lot of fake owies) she instantly wants her "owie" to be kissed. She'll always say "Mama kiss it? Mama kiss it?" or "Mama kiss my eye (or ear or leg or foot)" and she will repeat it until the owie has been kissed. Even when she's actually been hurt, the tears dry up instantly with a kiss.

All of that was so that you would know a little background on Avery's owie problem lately. She has them around 5,000 times per day, and every single time she MUST HAVE A KISS. NOW.

Today, we're in TJ Maxx. I have both girls in the double stroller, and we're perusing the kitchen area for some glass containers. Avery had been constantly fidgeting with the buckle that goes between her legs to keep her strapped in, and must have pulled kind of hard, because suddenly my daughter was screaming:

"MAMA KISS MY BOTTOM! MAMA KISS MY BOTTOM! OWIE ON MY BOTTOM! MAMA KISS IT! MAMA KISS IT!"

It was quite lovely. I tried to explain that it's not really okay for Mama to kiss her bottom, let alone for anyone to kiss her bottom, but I don't think she quite got it. I'm surprised child services didn't appear from somewhere to ask us a few questions after that one.

I foresee many years of embarrassing situations ahead, and I think they're about to begin.

Life Update

2008-09-04T12:00:00.004-07:00

Again, it's been a while since I've posted. I've been somewhat busy, but mostly just busy trying to use my time wisely. I've really been enjoying the kids lately, they're at such a fun age. Well, fun and trying at the same time!

I started school! I went to my instructional technology class last night, it went really well, and my instructor was great. She also happened to by married to my European Literature instructor, which was very convenient because I'm taking that class online and was having trouble signing in, as well as getting a hold of someone to help me with signing in. We got everything straightened out, I found out I had several assignments due by yesterday at midnight, so I stayed up late working on them and reading the first half of Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse. The beginning was slightly boring, but I slowly became more interested in it the further I read. The book is about Siddhartha Guatama, the man who started the Buddhist religion. Surprisingly interesting to read about! There are so many amazing and valid points to Buddhism. It is such a peaceful religion.

Anyway, I am super excited to be taking classes again! It feels so good to be working towards my goal of teaching someday. I'm still working a couple of nights a week doing inventory at the theatre, but since I'm only in class two nights a week (one of which is only an hour long) it's really not that bad of a schedule. I'm enjoying it so far.

So. I've been spending loads of time working on some new goals. The first of which is menu planning. Each time Carl gets paid, every two weeks, I plan our menu for the next two weeks and buy groceries accordingly. I absolutely cannot BELIEVE how much money we are saving by knowing what I have on hand to cook, rather than running to the store to buy things for one or two meals. It's crazy; I used to spend at least 30 or 40 dollars every single time I went to the grocery store, and now I am spending around 160 dollars for a two week period. HUGE improvement!

The second thing I've been working on is our budget. I've been budgeting for the last two years, but I haven't done it very well. I recently started using Pear Budget, and I really love it. It makes the whole things SO EASY! Plus, way more accurate. I'm hoping it will eliminate all the silly mistakes I'm constantly making.

I've also been attempting to simplify our life. I'm working on cleaning out our house of clutter one room at a time. I finished the master bathroom on the weekend, even finished painting the walls I started 4 months ago! I love de-cluttering, it makes me feel like our house is clean and fresh feeling. I can't believe how much junk we've accumulated in only two years of marriage. It's ridiculous! I have boxes and boxes of stuff for the consignment shop and the thrift store.

Lastly, I am working on further cleaning the plastic out of our house. I am going to order some of these mesh produce bags, and have been looking for more canvas grocery bags for shopping. I am going to work on buying glass containers to replace all of our rubbermaid storage containers, and am currently using old mason jars. I actually really love the way mason jars look!

So, there you have it. An overview of what I've been up to lately. Now, I'm off to throw this chicken dish together for dinner so I don't have to worry about it later. Hopefully I'll have time to post again before too long!

What to do...

2008-08-21T13:37:00.003-07:00

Lately, it seems I've come across a variety of other women who have expressed a desire to connect with other mothers in our area. In the past, I've been a part of different groups, but they've never lasted more than a few months, some never even making it past the first initial meeting. Whenever I bring up the lack of this type of thing for mothers around here, people always just tell me to start one. I've never felt very confident in my ability to organize a group of people, and definitely don't like the idea of the responsibility falling on me if it fails to work out!

But -- I really find myself wishing that I had a support group (locally) and know that there are others who wish the same.

So, any ideas? Is anyone a part of something like this that works well? Have you been in the past? What worked, and what didn't? Any ideas, advice, ANYTHING you could pass on? I don't really know where to start. I am also curious what the likelihood of success is with mothers from all different backgrounds.

Anyway, any info anyone has to share on the subject would be much appreciated! In the meantime, I think I'll see if Google has any helpful advice. : )

Moments

2008-08-21T10:21:00.002-07:00

Last night, Carl feel asleep in the recliner, and I left him. He loves to sleep in that stupid chair, and I normally wake him and make him head to bed, feeling that he doesn't get very good sleep out in the chair, but last night I just left him.

I was looking through my new copy of Parents magazine when I heard weird noises coming from the kids' bedroom. I listened at the door, and realized it was Caden. He has a stuffy nose, and was crying and sounding as if he was having a little trouble breathing. I decided to sneak into their room, grab him and his blankey, and bring him into our room with me. He just snuggled down onto my chest, so relaxed to be held. We sat that way for quite a while. It was so precious, so needed. Ever since the twins have become toddlers, they are so busy, always on the go, and rarely want to take the time to just snuggle with me.

With the twins, I've always felt like we have a different relationship than most mother/child relationships. I have never really known why, but have always speculated that it has something to do with them spending their first several months of life in the NICU, and from not getting to really bond with them right away. We definitely didn't have an instantaneous bond from the get-go. It's sort of like the bond has been forming, growing, evolving over the last 2 1/2 years. I mean, it's not like I don't love them, because I totally do. I'd do anything for them... but it has definitely taken some time to feel the way I want to feel with them. As I sat holding Caden last night, all big and boyish and sprawled out across my chest, I was hit with the reality of the strength of my emotions concerning him. How thankful I am for him, how precious his little life is... the remembering of him nearly not making it during his first days of life, and realizing how speechlessly thankful I am that he did make it. How special each day is with each of my children, how beyond lucky I felt to have that moment with him. After a little while, I set him down on the bed next to me, and he smiled up at me and said "Mama's Bed!". I told him he could stay in Mama's bed if he would be a quiet little boy and go to sleep. So I turned out my lamp, put my arm over him, and watched as he sucked his thumb, caressed his blankey, and went to sleep. Now, that may not seem significant to you, but you have to realize: THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. NEVER. EVER. Caden ONLY sleeps in his bed. Maybe in a play yard when we're away, but at home, ONLY IN HIS CRIB. So to get to spend that time with him, and then watch him sleep so peacefully right next to me, well, let's just say it made my week. Those are the moments that make motherhood worth all the chaos and rotten, crazy days. Sigh. These days are going by so fast. I can't believe I've been a mother for 2 1/2 years. Where did the time go? I hope I can learn to really enjoy this time in my life, even the hard moments. Last night gave me hope!

Although, I should add that at around 4:30 am Carl woke me up to ask me why Caden was staring at him in the living room. I guess he had gotten up and made his way out the living room, and was quite delighted to find his Daddy asleep out there. He took great pleasure in waking him up and announcing his presence! So although he spent the remainder of his night in his own bed, the first several hours were so priceless.

Rainy day in town

2008-08-20T15:16:00.004-07:00

Last week, I planned out our meals for the entire week ahead, and bought groceries to have on hand for each meal. I don't usually do this; I tend to buy random things, such as whatever is on sale, at the grocery store and then come up with meals based on what I have on hand. I always end up needing more ingredients than what I have already, and seem to spend a ton of money on groceries. But when I planned out our meals, I spent around half of what I'd normally spend on a weeks groceries. I realize that to some, the concept of meal planning is old news. But to me, it's like this whole new world of organization/simplifying my life have suddenly opened up to me. I didn't go so far as to plan meals for certain days. I just had a list of seven meals, and chose one each morning for that evening. It worked SO WELL. So, today being payday, I am going to try planning out our meals for the next two weeks. We'll see how it goes, but I'm pretty excited about it, to be honest! It takes so little time, and saves me a lot in the long run, because I'm not sitting around wondering what I should make for dinner. I'll let you know how it works for a two week increment!

Also, I stumbled upon Simple Mom the other day, and if you've never checked it out before, you really should. It's a pretty great site!

On a completely different note, I ran into our thrift store in Kalispell today and all of the kids things were half off, so we looked around for a little while. I actually found the kids some great play clothes, as well as a few vintage Fisher Price toys, and everything was only a dollar each! Plus, they love the toys!

We had a fun day in town. No one was overly crabby, it was cloudy and raining, which was a nice reprieve from the scorching weather we've been having, and we found some great deals.

Now I'm going to throw together this Mexican Lasagna for dinner, and we'll have a nice, relaxing evening. I love my nights at home!

Rest

2008-08-18T10:06:00.003-07:00

We took the kids to the fair yesterday. It was somewhere around 100 degree by noon, and absolutely miserable. I hate when it's that hot. Well, unless I'm at the lake swimming. But we weren't at the lake, we were pushing three toddlers around a dusty fairground, swarming with people who clearly only come out once a year for the fair. We always see the strangest characters at the Kalispell fair. More belly shirts, old tattoos, and rotting teeth than I care to see in a lifetime.

The kids did have a blast, though. Their favorite part seemed to be the animals. All Avery wanted to do was sit and look at the piggies, and Caden loved the chickens. Cece, of course, only wanted to play in the dirt. The girls wouldn't ride any rides, but Caden went around and around a little car ride, grinning the entire time, but then trowing a giant tantrum as soon as we said he'd had enough. He looked as if he was going to either throw up or fall asleep if he didn't stand on steady ground for a little bit!

My parents took the twins home afterwards for a sleepover at their house, and Carl and I went home with only one child. A very sleepy child, I should add. I went to work, and after a nap, Carl and Cece went to see Wall-E. She sat with her blankey on his lap and ate popcorn and drank soda, happy as could be. She did surprisingly well, and when I came home around midnight, they were both sound asleep in the recliner. She didn't want to sleep in her bedroom without her brother and sister... so cute!

I woke up this morning, shocked to look at the clock and discover it was 9:30. I haven't slept that late in AGES! It was more wonderful than I can describe. I got up, had my coffee, called to check and see how my other babies were doing, read some blogs, and realized that Cece still wasn't stirring. I became a little worried, so I went to check on her. She was still sound asleep in her bed, sucking her thumb with her little bum in the air. So as of right now, it's 11:17 and she is STILL IN BED. SLEEPING. I have had a wonderful sleep-in, and two hours of blissful child-free blog reading. What a treat. I feel ready to really get some housework done!

It's supposed to be hot again, 100 or so, and I am hoping we get to the lake later today to cool off. I can't believe August is over halfway gone already...

Weekend Sans Children

2008-08-14T09:09:00.002-07:00

Last weekend, my mom and I drove my grandma back to Portland.

With NO CHILDREN.

I left all three of them at home. For two nights.

It was pure bliss. I packed one bag, with only my things, drove 10 entire hours scream-free, ate adult food with no thought to chicken strips/nuggets/bites, and shopped (although mainly for them). For being the first time I've ever been away from them for more than a few hours, it went really well. Carl's parents were able to come help him out for the weekend, the kids did great, and I was so happy to come home to them after my little break. It was wonderful! We were even able to have some really great lobster for dinner on Saturday night with my grandma and aunt, which was so much fun!

It was a little exhausting to drive so much in three days, but it was worth it. We did nothing but drive, shop, eat and drink yummy Dutch Brothers coffee, and I loved it.

Anxious No More

2008-07-28T16:04:00.002-07:00

So, I know I've mentioned my anxiety issues in the past. I've always had issues with it, but have always thought that once ______ was over (insert current life circumstances), I'd get over it. Things would get better/easier, the attacks would subside, the headaches would go away, etc. However, they have not. In fact, they have gotten worse. For quite some time now, I've been considering looking into medication of some sort. I tried a couple of homeopathic things over the last several months to no avail, and finally broke down and went to see a doctor today. I don't really have a regular doctor, other than a nurse practitioner I went to once years ago. I called her office, only to be informed that she was no longer with that office and they didn't know how I could reach her. So, I decided to head into our urgent care clinic, since they don't require an appointment and my parents were available to watch the kids today. As soon as they got here, off I went.

The entire drive to town I had butterflies in my stomach. I felt such a mixture of emotions; fear, nervousness, shame, failure, worry... the list goes on. Although I have never felt there was any problem with other people taking medication for something like anxiety, I didn't ever truly consider it for myself. So once I realized that I had to do something about the fact that I was getting close to selling my kids on eBay, (no, seriously-it was that or putting them in daycare permanently) and I couldn't get through breakfast with them without bawling my eyes out, while my heart nearly pounded out of my chest and my head felt like it was about to explode... well, that was when I realized I needed something MORE. More than just new resolve each morning. More than getting out of the house a few nights a week.

So, I went. I waited. (An hour and a half to be exact.)

And I got to see the best doctor I've ever seen. Seriously, I feel like I had a mini therapy session today! She was a young mom as well, completely understood feeling like you can't cope at times, and recommended trying a generic (we have no insurance) anti-anxiety medication. If I don't like it, or it doesn't work, I can try something else or just bag in altogether. So, I left with much relief, as well as hope, that things really will get better.

I completely realize that talking about this may not be the best idea... I know a lot of people are very against medications of this sort. But, I also want to be honest about what's going on in my life. That's what this blog if for, and it just so happens that my being on the verge of a mental breakdown are the current events in my life. So, there you have it. I am now a part of the millions of Americans relying on drugs to get through life. But, I am hoping that it will enable me to do just that: get through life. And actually, I want more than that. I want to enjoy it in the midst of all that is going on.

So here's to being open and honest with the internet. Think what you may - you don't have to live with me!

Zoo Pictures!

2008-07-25T10:03:00.007-07:00

So, does anyone use an apple computer? If so, is there anyone who can tell me how to link my current blog to a blog using iWeb? I love their formatting and design, but don't want to change my web address. I cannot for the life of me figure it out! Help!

Now that that's out of the way, here are a few pictures from our trip to the zoo. Of course the layout is strange, as usual, because blogger and I don't get along when it comes to posting pictures. Oh well, enjoy them as they are!

Morning

2008-07-25T07:15:00.002-07:00

Ever since I started working, I generally don't get to bed until really late. I did try to get to sleep earlier last night, but didn't sleep well, tossing and turning all night long. So when my husband called me at the crack of dawn to see if I could e-mail him a document, I wasn't very happy. I am not much of a morning person, and don't take it well when I am awaken before I need to be. I managed to pull myself out of bed and get the document off to him, made my coffee, and decided to stay up.

It's turned into one of those things I don't want to do but am glad I did. Do you ever have those? It's really only a little, tiny thing - getting up earlier than planned - but still, I was crabby about it. And now, here I am, in our wonderfully silent house, with the windows open to let in the cool morning air, drinking my wonderfully good coffee and listening to the birds chirping outside. It's making me remember why I used to be a morning person!

We went outside last night with the kids, to let them play a little before bed. It was absolutely perfect; about 70 or 75 degrees, clear blue sky, no humidity. The kids ran and chased each other, we sat and watched them and laughed, (toddlers are notoriously silly creatures!) and just enjoyed being home. I love my evenings at home. I used to hate putting the kids to bed because it was so hard. They never wanted to go to sleep, and I always let them get away with getting out of bed. Not that Carl puts them to bed each night, they go to sleep beautifully, plus they only have me here three nights a week so they relish our evening time together as much as I do. We read stories, cuddle, listen to music, dance... generally enjoy ourselves the way I wish we did in the daytime. Funny how we're all a little more relaxed in the evening.

Life is so good sometimes.

Home sweet home

2008-07-23T10:38:00.003-07:00

Our trip started out fabulously. We didn't leave our house until about 3:00 in the afternoon, the kids watched movies, and played when we stopped to have a little break. We arrived at our friends' house in Oregon about 1:00 a.m. their time. The kids stayed awake nearly the entire drive (not our intention-we had thought they'd sleep) but were amazingly calm. I don't think we had one screaming fit from anyone. They even slept well once put into they're play yards at our friends' house.

The entire trip, however, was a whirlwind of activity. The kids handled it really well. I, however, not so much. I think we just had too many things to do in too few days. We had people to see every day, plus a trip to the zoo and the beach. We did it all, the kids LOVED it, but I feel like I've been run over by a train. I don't care to ever see the inside of our suburban again.

It's so good to be home! I have some pictures I'd like to get posted soon. The kids were so cute at the zoo. Caden loved every single animal we looked at, and would have stayed watching each one for hours had we not moved him along to the next one. He especially liked the monkeys, making monkey noises at them while grinning non-stop. Avery really only liked the giraffe, which I would assume is because of her stuffed giraffe Jeffrey that is attached to her 24/7. Cece really had no interest in any of it. She was, however, more than happy to clean the zoo's entire grounds of any stray food, rocks, dirt and leaves that she could stuff into her mouth before she was stopped.

The beach was a typical Oregon Coast day - cloudy, gray, and windy. Still gorgeous and packed with people, but it was only about 50 degrees and even cooler with the wind so we let the kids run for 30 minutes or so and then went into Mo's for some yummy seafood. Caden hated the sand on his feet, and the girls loved it but kept getting it into they're eyes. Lots of screaming ensued until we finally packed them up and decided that they are not beach children. That's fine with me, I am not really all that crazy about it either. I think it's gorgeous, but there isn't much you can really do on the Oregon coast, and the few things you can do are limited to practically none with three toddlers! We got a few cute pictures of them though, so that made it worth it for me.

We were able to visit my dad's parents and my mom's mother, who actually came home to stay with them for a month or so. I haven't seen my dad's parents for 4 or 5 years, so it was nice to have a visit with them. They were glad to finally meet Carl and the kids, even if my children did try to destroy their entire house in about 5 minutes.

All in all we had a good time, the busyness was worth it as a trade off for visiting people we haven't seen in forever. But next time we travel somewhere I now know a few things I'd do differently, so that I wouldn't be so incredibly stressed out.

Aahhh, home. The fifteen plus loads of laundry look beautiful compared to the inside of a car!

2008-07-22T10:41:00.002-07:00

Okay, so I know that you've been wondering where I've been. I've been absolutely gone, haven't I, with no word whatsoever about what's going on.

Well, our computer finally died. Well, technically it would stay on for about 4 minutes, but at that point it would overheat and turn itself off. So, I haven't been able to blog for a month or so.

Until now.

I finally bought a new notebook -a MacBook- and I am in love with it. I am still learning all the cool functions it has, and am totally loving it. It is SO nice to use the computer without feeling like there's a helicopter in the room! (The fan was broken loose and rattled like you can't believe.)

So anyway, we just got back last night, around 1:00 am, from our trip to Portland to visit family and friends. While there, we made a stop at the Apple store, where we were convinced by our nice personal shopper Lauren to purchase our new computer. Right away. And being the easily convince-able person that I am, I snatched one right up. Actually, they gave us a free iPod Touch with it, so we couldn't pass it up. I will still use my nano, but now Carl has an iPod to store all his weird music in, as well as a planner, all in one. He's quite pleased with it.

I'm going to take a much needed shower now, but I will give a nice update later about our trip. It was interesting, to say the least. Traveling with three toddlers is NOT easy!

It's good to be back!

Crib Climbing

2008-06-17T08:04:00.003-07:00

So, Friday morning I woke up and walked out to the kitchen, as usual. Occasionally, Carl doesn't latch the front door when he leaves, which was the case that morning. It always freaks me out, because I will have in the back of my mind that someone came into our house and is just waiting for the right moment to attack me. That, or Duke the neighbor dog will come in and track muddy paw prints all over the house, which isn't so much scary as it is infuriating.

Anyhow, I made my coffee, sat down on the couch to watch the Today show for a few minutes before the kids got up, and waited for my coffee to finish so I could gulp some down, also before the kids got up. (I always have a better frame of mind if I have a little caffeine in me before the chaos begins.) As I was sitting there, I thought I heard a doorknob rattle. I turned Matt Lauer down, and listened. Nothing. Matt Lauer goes back up in volume. But wait, there it is again, definitely a doorknob rattling. Then I hear Avery give a blood curdling scream. I was instantly positive that there was a child molester/murder in the house, and went tearing down the hallway to the kids' bedroom, fearful of what I would see on the other side of the door. Preparing myself for the worst, I flung the door open.

There was my son, standing on the floor, grinning at me.

He had learned to climb out of his crib.

We knew this day would come, but hadn't really thought about it much lately because we expected it long ago. I was totally shocked, but totally relieved that no one had massacred my babies in the middle of the night. At naptime, he climbed out twice, but I knew he had because Avery immediately started screaming OPEN! over and over and over. (She wanted him to open the door.) After a little pep-talk about staying in our crib, as well as a spanking threat, he stayed in. Surprisingly, he hasn't escaped since that day, so my fears of a child running around the house in the middle of the night have yet to become reality. Thank goodness - that is one thing I do not want to deal with. At least not yet!

The end of endless diapers may soon be upon us

2008-06-12T19:57:00.003-07:00

So, potty training is upon us. Well, technically it has been for some time, since Avery has been working on it for quite a while now, but Caden is suddenly intersted as well, which adds a whole different element to the situation. I think I'm going to Google some tips on potty training twins, because it's difficult enough with one, but two, I'm not so sure I'm up to the task. Yet.

Avery has been wanting to wear panties lately, so today we put on a pretty yellow pair with Belle from Beauty and the Beast on them. She loves them, loves to look at them, loves to comment on her "Pwinsiss Panties". Caden has never paid them any attention whatsoever. That is, until today. Today, while I was helping Avery into the aforementioned panties, he decided to rip his diaper off. I told him he had to wear it, and to come to me so I could put it back on. He said no. I said come here right now. He said nooooo. So, I said that if he wasn't going to wear a diaper anymore than he'd have to wear panties, too, because we don't run around naked in this house. At least not until Mommy is sure that there will not be pee in random places in her house. So, since we only have pwinsiss panties here, that's what he wore. Cinderella panties, because they were the only blue ones, and I figured that was better than pink or purple, right? I also told him to call them underwear, instead of panties, because certainly that must be what little boys say, right? I mean, panties just seems a little too girly. This coming from the person who dressed her son in his sister's pwinsiss panties. So for the rest of the afternoon, he walked around holding his crotch, proudly displaying his "unnawaya". Oh, how he loved the freedom of those marvelous things. He wore them all day, other than at naptime. He did, however, have two accidents, but oh well. At least he seems to be moving forward, right? Wearing unnawaya is a wonderful step in the right direction as far as I'm concerned. I don't mind a few more things to wash throughout the day if it means that someday in the somewhat near future I will have two children OUT OF DIAPERS. Amen.

2008-06-06T16:39:00.002-07:00

There are some days when I must admit that the thought of auctioning my children off on eBay seems very appealing to me. This entire week has been one long string of days in which I imagine how wonderful it will be when they are grown, when the screaming days are over, when everyone has their teeth, is out of diapers and has nice, smooth, rash free butts. These feelings are quickly followed by exreme guilt, of course, because what kind of mother am I?! Who resents their childrens' presence in their life? Well, me, apparently.

I haven't felt this way for quite some time now; in fact, not since the night-time feeding days, which ended months ago. So I must say, I was rather shocked at the horrible thoughts that have been roaming around in my head this week. Shocked, and very disappointed. I really had thought that my days of feeling overwhelmed by my children were over. I have realized that sadly, they are not, and maybe never will. Maybe that's just part of being a parent.

Today was much better, thank goodness. Another good point to bring up is the fact that I haven't blogged the last several days. Be thankful you haven't had to read a play by play of the inner workings of my mind - you would be scarred for life.

I had my pre-kid-wake-up cup of coffee, and was in a much better fram of mind when I got the kids up. Our day hasn't been perfect, but oh so much better than the rest of our week! I always come out of my bad moods feeling guilty over my attitude, but also very thankful that I have my three beautiful babies, despite the hard times.

I am cleaning a friends' lake cabin on Saturdays throughout the summer, plus working at the theater tomorrow night, so it's a busy weekend. I am enjoying my time at home tonight. We're having homemade pizza for dinner, and I rented ps I love you for later. I'm so much more appreciative of my time at home now! Oh, also, I was promoted to a supervisory position at work a few days ago. Better pay, plus a little authority over the many punks I work with, so that's a plus. My boss actually talked to me about whether or not I'd be interested in the assistant manager position, so we'll see what happens. I'm still surprised at how well they pay us, so any bump up in the salary area makes me very happy. Definitely makes it more beneficial to work a few evenings here and there. Although, it's still hard for me to be chipper in the mornings with the kids when I don't get to sleep until 1 a.m. but I'm getting used to it.

Btw, Sex and the City was every bit as good as I'd hoped. A couple of the girls that went with us had never watched the show, and still loved it. I had very high expectations for it, and it lived up to every single one of them, so I highly recommend seeing it. I cried somewhere around 7 times. Happy and sad crying. Which means a very good movie, for me!

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Opening Night!

2008-05-30T09:30:00.005-07:00

Things have been crazy the last couple of weeks, hence the absence of blogging. Crazy, yet not a whole lot to write about. Although, I should add that I have finally caught up on some of my housework (our bedroom floor is now visible!) so I feel quite accomplished. When we have nice weather, we spend every free second outside working on our many projects, and the house quickly goes downhill. It feels like it's taking weeks just to get basic chores done!

Anyway, I am a huge Sex and the City fan. I didn't watch it when it was new, I have only watched re-runs, but I think I've seen them all. So you can only imagine how excited I am for the movie to be coming out tonight! Well, maybe you can't imagine, in which case I will let you know that my excitement level is around a 10. I go to the theater to see a movie around once a year, basically only when there is something I'm really excited about. Although, it's usually something my husband is really excited about, because I would normally rather wait to just watch it in the comfort of my own home. Plus, SO much cheaper!

Tonight, however, I am going with a friend and a few of her friends to see it. We are going to get all dressed up, see the movie, and go grab a drink afterwards. Probably dirty vodka martinis, which I have come to adore. Needless to say, I cannot WAIT!

On a completely different note, I have decided to buy a scale. I know, totally random, but let me explain. I have read over and over that you should not base your health/how-in-shape you are by the reading on your bathroom scale. Thus, I have been waiting for my clothes to fit again. Well, to at least fit a little better. However, it's not happening. In fact, quite the opposite is happening. I seem to be getting further from my goal, based on how my clothing is fitting. I don't have a clue how much I weigh, but I will be finding out, because I intend to buy a scale today when I go to Target during the kids' therapy. It seems that when I don't know how much weight I'm gaining, I think I'm not gaining any at all, when I fact I am quite frightened to know how many pounds I've put on. So there you have it- I will be giving in, trying a different route to get back into shape. On the plus side, I have been getting in some good home workouts as well as cooking mostly healthy meals for us.

On that note, I have completely quit cooking my kids different meals from what I cook for us. When they first started eating table food, I was so concerned about how tiny they were that I would make as many meals as necessary to get them to eat something. Macaroni, chicken nuggets, fish sticks - whatever it took, I would do it so that they would eat. I didn't worry about it all that much, considering they love their vegetables more than any of that stuff, but still - I always wanted to fill them up with something else since vegetables aren't all that filling. I have recently realized, though, that I have bred very picky eaters. So about 6 weeks ago, give or take, I just stopped. I make our meals, let them eat, (or not eat) whatever they want of it, and then they can be done. If they're hungry, I figure they'll just eat more at the next meal. Which, so far, has worked MARVELOUSLY. Seriously, SO SO MUCH STRESS has now been removed from my life. Mealtimes have always been the WORST part of my day, and now I just ignore all those silly obsessive feelings and feel happy that by the time they're three they should be fairly adventurous eaters.

One last note: I know this is a completely 180 degree turn from being healthy, but I have to share it. This blog has some seriously good home cooking! You may have read her before, but I hadn't until recently and love her recipes. If I want to cook something that goes totally against my new healthy eating rules, I check her first. She may use way to much butter for my good, but it's worth it every once in a while!

Of love and sorrow

2008-05-22T14:27:00.003-07:00

I'm feeling very blessed lately. Monday, I started working a part-time job at the movie theater here. I know, how very high school of me, but it was literally one of the only night jobs I could think of. Plus, they pay well, which is still weird to me. I'm working mostly with young kids, but there are a few other young moms around my age. They let me work whatever hours I want, and my hope is to pay down my previous school bill over the summer before I incur more debt. So far it's super easy, absolutely no stress involved.

Back to the blessed part. Although I've only worked a totaly of two nights, it has made me feel very strong emotions about being away from my kids. I haven't worked outside our house since about three months into my pregnancy with C and A. I have always been with them, unless it's my choice to be gone for a few hours. Although I will have to give up three or four nights a week with Carl, I still see the kids during the day and suddenly I am really treasuring my time with them. It's so weird; I feel like they're going to grow up when I turn my back. They are all growing so much, and it makes me sad and happy and proud all at the same time.

I think I'm feeling the reality of trying to live in the moment. You know, not always wishing ahead to something different. I am horrible about this - always thinking that just around the corner is easy street, happiness, contentment. But that's so not true, which of course I know, but I am starting to really feel it, too. I feel able to look at my babies and realize that this time I have with them will be gone all too soon. Before I know it, we won't have lots of quiet evenings together. Well, maybe not quiet, but uneventful, nowhere to go, nothing pressing other than baths, stories, snuggling, and bedtime. Rather than be bored or frustrated with it, I want to breathe it in, savor it, relish this sweet time in our lives. Not just because they will be grown before I know it, but because you never know which day could be your last.

I heard on the radio this morning that Steven Curtis Chapman, a Christian singer, had had his 5 year old daughter killed yesterday. His 16 year old son didn't see her when she was playing in the driveway with other children and ran over her with the family's SUV. It was a complete accident, but I still can't even fathom what they're going through. I just broke down and cried as I listened to the news. That poor, poor boy; how will he cope with such a thing.

This all the more cemented my feelings of thankfulness for my own children. It's so easy to take things for granted, especially the things that are the closest to you, which in turn are usually the most important to you as well.

Speaking of important things, I think I'm going to head off to take a little nap. One downfall of movie theater work, (and probably one reason it's mostly kids who are out of school in the summer) is that it is a very late night job. Indiana Jones started at 12:01 am and I didn't get home until 1:30, so I'm beat. Hopefully I can get a little sleep in before the kids wake from their nap!

2008-05-21T07:58:00.003-07:00

Thank you, everyone, for the encouraging comments from my last post. Most of the time, I dont' even think about the kids delays/issues anymore, because they're very minor. But when we go somewhere around other kids, I usually notice it all over again and it triggers a lot of emotion. This could be part of why we do not go to play groups or play grounds. That, or the fact that it takes, like, an entire day's preparation to leave with all three kids if I'm alone!

We had such a great weekend! Our temperatures were in the 80's both Saturday and Sunday, and we were able to accomplish a lot. We got all the sod down on Friday evening, in only about an hour's time. Well, all the sod we've purchased so far. We only did about a third of the lawn to start with, because we have cut wood all over the rest of it that need split and stacked before we can lay sod there. But the part we finished look gorgeous, and it's so nice to have an area where I can take the kids outside!

On Saturday, Carl went to play frisbee golf with a friend early and I got the kids up and we went to a couple garage sales. I only found things at one of them, but it was a really great sale. There were a ton of sets of vintage Fisher Price toys, trucks, little men, a zoo with all the animals, houses with little people, etc. Each set was complete, with everything you would need to play with. I bought the kids the zoo and a few trucks for C, plus a car with a camper to pull behing. They are adorable, the kids I played with when I was little. Here's a picture of it. Cute, huh? The funniest part is that they LOVE it. All of it. They play with it better than any of their other toys, which really surprised me. Although, after looking at the prices for these things on eBay, I think I over payed. Oh well. I'll be watching for more of these types of things for them. I love that they have to pretend to play with them. Nothing makes noise or moves unless they do it, which is so great!

On Sunday, Carl went golfing with my dad and brother in the afternoon so my mom and sister Elyssa came over for the evening. We grilled salmon and I made a pot of risotto with parmesan (so SO good!) for dinner, which was a huge hit. My kids love fish, it's probably their favorite protein. They also love risotto, so they ate a ton. We did, too, which probably shouldn't have happened considering the calorie content of ristotto. I just didn't think about that-it's too good to ruin with those kids of thoughts! I'll post the recipe later- it was the easier risotto recipe I've ever found. Plus, I had all the ingredients on hand already, so that made it even more appealing to me.

Okay, off to get my kids up. They've slept in today, a rarity these days!

A little more about our day at the park...

2008-05-16T09:30:00.002-07:00

Around this time last year we took C and A for a NICU follow up visit in Missoula. We go ever six months for a checkup with their neonatologist, a physical therapist, and a couple other's that I'm not really sure what they are. Maybe speech and a psychologist or something. Anyway, at that time they loosely diagnosed both of them with mild cerebral palsy. They had previously said that C had it mildly in his right arm/hand, because he didn't use it nearly as well as his left, and also had high tone in it. At the more recent follow up, they said that his arm was now within normal functioning capacity and he would probably have no problems with it in the future, which he hasn't. He uses it just fine now, and has normal tone.

At this visit last summer, though, they decided they both had it in their right legs. C had high tone, A low tone as well as a very weak core. C's diagnosis didn't really surprise me, because he seemed pretty stiff in his right leg. Avery's, however, did. I was absolutely devastated. I still get butterflies in my stomach just remembering that day. I cried all the way home, feeling sick to my stomach. I was completely shocked, not having any inkling that A had any reason for walking so late.

When we got home, we started physical therapy with the lady they still see right away. Within months, C was walking all the time and A just starting to. They have since improved tremendously, although both with the use of orthotics. They are only supposed to have to use them orthotics until they outgrow them, and their PT, Leslie, has always believed that with strengthening and therapy they'll basically overcome/outgrow the issues they do have.

I don't know if I've always been in denial of the CP or just really strongly believed that they'd overcome the walking issues, but I don't generally notice that they don't walk the same as other two-year-olds. Also, we're not really around other kids, so I've never had much to compare them to. Since Cece started walking, though, I've begun to notice the huge differences in the way she moves versus the way C and A move. Also, yesterday at the park we were surrounded by a multitude of wild, healthy, average children.

As soon as we walked into the play area at the park, (after about a 10 minute walk from our car, which was only about 50 feet away) I felt extremely self-conscious about my kids. Because of his recent broken leg, C was only walking about half the time and crawling the other half. When he is walking, he's not walking well yet at all and you can just see the looks on others' faces as they watch us move across the playground. Avery walks very slow, and because her legs are still fairly weak she has a hard time picking up her legs as she walks on the uneven surface of the wood chipped ground. My first instinct was to grab them all and run, back to the car, back to the safety of our house where I don't feel these feelings, where I can't compare them to other kids, where I forget that they're not like other kids. I want to forget that while other kids run, jump and climb, my babies are struggling to just make it to the slide. While other mothers sit and watch their children play, I am in fear that a rambunctious boy is going to knock them flat on their backs. I hover obnoxiously over them, trying to figure out how to make this work fighting the emotions inside of me. I want to walk up to each woman around the play area who is staring at us and explain our situation, explain that my babies were born way too early, that they are fine, that they can stop giving me their pitying glances... and I still want to run. I want to protect my kids from the world, from people's preconceived ideas about who they are based on what they can see on the outside.

But then I look down, I see their grins, their pure joy as the realize that they can play, run, with other kids, and IT'S OKAY. That's what we're here for, for them to have fun outside on a beautiful day. They can crawl in the grass, the dirt, dump wood chips in each others hair, and I won't stop them because that's what we're here for.

I realize that it's my preconceived ideas about people that are bothering me. I am the one assuming people are judging, pitying, whispering. I realized that it's my own issues with my kids' difficulties that are making me feel this way - I'm ruining my own day.

It's so very hard for me to talk about this, but I think that that's why this topic still has me in tears whenever I acknowledge it. I know at some point I have to come to terms with the fact that my kids may always have a visible disability. I know at some point my thankfulness for who they are and what they are becoming regardless of that disability has to override my fears and worries for them.

I figure blogging about it is a start...

Day at the park

2008-05-15T12:32:00.002-07:00

I got a call this morning from my friend Angie saying that the groups of mom's she gets together with on Thursdays was going to go to the park today. She has invited me to come a couple of times before, but only starting about 6 or so weeks ago, and with Caden and his broken leg, I haven't wanted to try taking all three kids somewhere alone. So until today, I've declined the invitations. This last week, C is finally walking on that leg. Not very well, yet, but he's getting better. He at least is vertical most of the day, even if it's slow going. Since it is gorgeous out today and we still have no grass, thus making us unable to play outside, I decided that we would go. In record time (literally, the fastest we have EVER been ready to go somewhere) we were in the car and heading to Lawerence Park. I threw some clothes on all of us, made a couple almond-butter and honey sandwiches, cut up cheese sticks, and sliced apples (coated in cinnamon - the kids love them, plus they don't turn brown) and away we went. I even remembered a diaper bag, complete with sippy's full of juice. This is quite the amazing feat for me. I never do things last minute like that, and even more than that I never remember everything we'd need for a meal away from home. I am usually lazy and just buy lunch in town. But in light of my new frugal outlook on life, I've been packing us lunches whenever we're going to be in town.

Anway, we made it to the park, which was completely packed. There were several groups of mothers and children, a homeschool group, plus a class of second graders (I think). The kids had a blast, though, so it was totally worth it. We had no major mishaps, plus they even sat down to eat their lunches like good litle kids. Caden did nearly fall off the giant slide headfirst, whereupon we'd have been headed to the ER again, but somehow he righted himself and made it down safely. Backwards, but in one piece. I'm not sure I'd attempt it again alone, at least not without the help of another mom, but it was a good experience. Plus, I was able to meet a few new moms with kids close to my own kids' age, which is always fun.

Unfortunately, I didn't bring the camera. I should have, but I never remember it when I could take cute pictures of the kids. I suppose lunch was more important. Fun, chaotic day. All three kids are now sleeping, they were completely zonked after all that running around. It's, like, 75 degrees out so I'm going to go out and enjoy the warmth for a bit.

How many blogs?

2008-05-14T20:37:00.004-07:00

I found a link to The Million Blog List today. It's said that there are over 70,000,000 blogs in existence, and they're doing an experiment to see how long it takes to get to 1,000,000. You just follow the link, add your blog to the list and link to their page on your blog. It's kinda neat, don't you think? So go, follow my link, and add your own blog! Oh, yeah - I'm number 1,634!

A few recent pictures

2008-05-14T11:01:00.005-07:00

I thought I'd post a picture of my brother's giant truck we drove to Helena a couple weekends ago. It's ridiculous how high up it is. It has a 6" lift, which basically means it's a nightmare to climb into with babies. But it was nice to be able to haul all our stuff back in!

This is just a picture of the kids in the backseat of the truck. Caden loves quilts, and steals his sisters' whenever he has the chance. Since Cece still wanted it as well, we made them share. It was so cute to see each of them holding a corner of the same quilt. Sorry it's blurry, it was hard to steady the camera in the bumpy truck.
These were taken right after we put the dog door in the garage. They thought it was so cool to crawl through!

This picture is from a few weeks ago when we went to find some rocks for our front flower area. We put all three kids in the middle seat, and Brody in the back. He kept peeking through the car seats at us, and the girls thought it was funny.

Former President Sighting

2008-05-14T10:41:00.007-07:00

Yesterday's paper ran an article that said Bill Clinton would be here in Kalispell at 7:30 pm campaigning for Hillary. I ended up making the kids wear size 2 diapers (they barely covered their little bums!) until Carl brought a small package home, so I went to town last night alone to get some groceries, diapers, etc. I figured if I finished early enough, I'd run by the college, where he was supposed to be speaking, and have a listen. I also figured with only a day or so notice not many people would show up. As I drove up around 6:15, I saw a huge line leading to the field where he was supposed to speak. I decided to get in line anyway, seeing as how this is a totally rare opportunity to hear a former president speak, and in Kalispell of all places. We waited about 45 minutes in line, and then were able to go find a place to sit/stand while we waited for him to arrive. The above picture is a little bit of the crowd. There were almost 4,000 people. It was insane how crowded it was.

I ended up with a pretty great spot, only about 50 feet from where he would be speaking. It started to rain around 7:30, though, and I was completely unprepared. I had no coat, was wearing my Birkenstocks like usual, and no umbrella or anything. But I had already waited over an hour, so I wasn't about to leave. He didn't end up arriving until 8:30, by which time it was raining pretty steadily. They did open up an area right up front after he'd started speaking, though, so I stood about 15 feet from him. They used a huge Dodge truck for his platform, which was hilarious - how much more Montana can you get? It was nice, though, because it made him

easier to see.

The picture of him isn't the greatest, but it's the best I can do with the camera I have.

His speach was really good, actually, and I'm really glad I went to hear it. I don't really have a strong leaning towards any candidate right now, although if I had to choose someone immediately, I'd probably choose Hillary. I don't know enough about politics to even know if she still stands a chance, but I did enjoy listening to her husband last night. Sort of exciting! I've never seen a president in person.

Anyway, it was quite the big event for little Kalispell, Montana and I'm glad I went.

Diaper Dillema

2008-05-13T06:54:00.003-07:00

Last night, during Cece's bath, I ask Carl to get pajamas and diapers ready. Normally this is done beforehand, but last night being the disorderly evening it was, I was ready to take her out of her bath but didn't have anything to put on her. As I wrap her in her towel and carry her to the couch to snuggle while we wait, Carl comes back into the room and tosses a diaper and a pair of Cecce's jammies at me.

Me: Thanks.

Carl: Yep.

Me: Wait, can you grab diapers for C&A, too?

Carl: There aren't any more.

Me: What?

Carl: There aren't any more. That was the last one.

Me: WHAT??

Carl: There aren-

Me: I HEARD YOU! THERE AREN'T ANYMORE?

Carl: Nope.

Me: Hmmm...

So, we came to the conslusion that one of us needed to run down to the little grocery here and grab a small package to make it through the next few days. I buy giant boxes of diapers at Costco, but didn't plan on going to town until Wednesday or Thursday.

Well, would you know, as I got up this morning I remembered. We had no diapers. We had forgotten to go get them last night. I did discover three in the diaper bag, but that still means I will be making a trip somewhere with all three kids JUST TO GET DIAPERS. Does not make me happy. It completely makes sense to just go to Costco and pick up the other things we need from there as well, but I need time. I plan what I need to buy. If I just GO, I'll forget numerous things we need and still have to go later in the week. Sigh. Oh well, it's a gray, crappy day again so I guess it doesn't matter if we're in the car or in the house.

I'm off to fill sippy's with milk. Oh, the start of another day.

Barter Program

2008-05-12T14:27:00.002-07:00

A while back, I heard about this new barter program that was starting up in the Flathead Valley. A group of people wanted to start a group where you could barter products/services for others' products or services. All you had to do was sign up, offering something other people may be able to use or want. Once you signed up, you were given three free "HOURS", which is what you pay with. For instance, if I wanted someone to mow my lawn, I'd look under Yard Care, or some similar category in the directory, call someone who is listed as offering that service, and pay them with paper money, or HOURS. One hour is worth approximately $10.00, I believe. We signed up for things like pet-sitting, tutoring, yard work, etc. If someone calls us wanting help with one of those things, they'll pay us with HOURS and we'll then be able to in turn use them to pay someone else in the future.

It basically enables people to hire/rent someone or something that they maybe wouldn't otherwise be able to because they don't have the money. We haven't used ours yet, but I'm thinking that we will soon. I hope so, at least. I am really looking forward to seeing this thing take off. We couldn't make it to the opening meeting/potluck, but I heard there were around 70 people there. I'd like to make it to the next one so we can meet some of the people. I love that someone here is trying to build our community a little. People are spread out to so many far corners of this valley that you can feel very isolated.

So for anyone that lives here, you should definitely get involved. Let me know if you're interested, because it's such a great project. The more people involved, the more successful it will be!

2008-05-12T09:52:00.002-07:00

Carl had classes for work all weekend, so my parents came and stayed with us to help me out. It was really nice to have them here. It was the first time we've spent any extended amount of time together since we moved into our house. The kids loved it, of course, and so did they. I had to teach Sunday School yesterday (only 10 kids this time!) so they stayed home and watched my snotty nosed kids for me, so as to not contaminate the rest of the church.

For Mother's Day we just grilled, had homemade potato salad, and strawberry shortcake for dessert. We baked a yellow cake for the shortcake, (a very basic one) but then added a lemon curd filling. Topped with strawberries and whipped cream, it was delicious. Lots of relaxing, eating, spending time together. Carl was able to come home a little early, by about 3:00 in the afternoon, so at least we had the evening together. The weekend flew by, though, and I can't believe it's Monday already!

Not much going on this week. At least not yet. It's rainy and crappy out today, which makes me feel so lazy. It's supposed to get nicer as the week progresses, and be like 78 or something by Thursday. Can't wait! I am ready for some nice weather. I still have stuff I want to plant outside, but can't until it's a little warmer.

Something sad: Saturday morning, around 5:00, we awoke to sirens. Lots of them. Firetrucks, ambulances, cops, etc. racing up our road. Then racing back down the road. Later in the day, on a four-wheeler ride, we discovered a neighbor up the road from us had their house burn up. It's so horrible looking-completely charred. Nothing left to salvage, not even their cars! The wind was blowing, and burned up both cars right in the driveway. The family living there was renting, having recently moved here from Australia. They are building a house a little further up the road, but have a while before it's done. So sad! I'm not sure if the had renter's insurance or not... I hope so. At least no one was hurt. I don't know how they managed to escape, it doesn't seem possible from the look of the house. They have young children, too.

Lastly, something exciting - I should be registering for my classes at the college this week or next! I absolutely can't wait. I'm really looking forward to school, as well as being closer to being done with school.

Legs and Locksmiths

2008-05-09T12:27:00.002-07:00

I awoke to screaming this morning. Not sad, come-get-me-out-of-my-crib, whiny screaming but full blown bloody murder screams. This used to happen nearly every morning, back when Caden was teething, but not anymore. All three kids wake up happy, talking to each other until I come in to get them up. So, I quickly filled their sippy's with milk, and headed into their bedroom to see what was going on. As I opened the door and turned on the light, I noticed Caden was on his back with his right leg through the bars of the crib. I shushed him, told him Mama was there, that he would be fine, and tried to push his leg back through the bars. It was stuck, right above his knee, and I couldn't get it to go back through. I started to panic around this point in the chaos, he wouldn't stop screaming, and I was afraid he'd re-broken his leg or something, seeing as how when I pushed on his leg it made his scream harder.

I had NO IDEA what to do. I grabbed the phone, called Carl, asked if we had a hand saw that I could cut the crib bar with. He replied that no, we did not, and what on earth was I going to saw? I practically screamed the story out to him, while frantically trying to figure out what to do. I was crying, too, by this point and envisioning a call to the police. Carl said he'd be here as soon as he could, but he works about a half hour away and based on Caden's screams, I was sure death or something worse was imminent so I decided to take care of it myself. With a serrated kitchen knife. I sawed at the bar as best I could, and when I realized I couldn't get all the way through, I kicked it. Yes, I am just that stupid. The bar flew off, bounced off of Caden's cheek and hit the wall. As it bounced off his cheek, he screamed harder and louder, which made me cry harder as well as feel like I was having a heart attack. Although, as he saw his crib bar heading at his eyes I'm sure he probably had one too.

Clearly, I do not respond well under pressure. What kind of demented individual KICKS a bar at their child's face? Well, me, apparently.

Thank God I didn't gouge his eye right out of his head. He has a bruise on his face, which I'll show you later, but other than that he's fine. Well, physically. Emotionally, he may need therapy after this day.

After this, we snuggled in the recliner until Carl got home to check his leg out. He decided it was fine, then went to fix Caden's crib. It's duck-taped, by the way. I should show you that, too.

We have physical therapy at 11:00 on Friday's, so after breakfast and dressing everyone, it was time to go. Carl took Caden out to the Suburban while he fixed their DVD player, and then put him in the car. It was running. Also, it was locked.

Yup, now my son was locked in a running car. A car to which we oh-so-smartly only have one set of keys.

As I'm calling a locksmith, Carl is trying to get Caden to push the window button with his foot. He does this every once in a while, but mostly by accident. He can't reach it with his hand, hence the foot. However, he was just staring at his dad as if his body had been invaded by an extraterrestrial, because WHY COULD HE NOT JUST OPEN THE DOOR LIKE USUAL?

The locksmith was so friendly and understanding, but since Lakeside has nothing, we had to call one in Kalispell. After 10 minutes or so, Carl came running in, said Caden had rolled the window down a little bit, and he had then stuck some stick or something in to roll it down the rest of the way. So now that the doors were unlocked and the child free, we phoned the locksmith again to say that we didn't need them to come afterall. We offered to pay for their gas, since they had to be nearly here, but they said that if a child is stuck in a car their service is free. Seriously, this was the bright point in our day.

Everything has since calmed down, we actually even made it to therapy on time. Crazy, huh? I'll post some pictures later to further share this ridiculous situation.

At least our therapist's seem to trust us, and didn't turn us in. That would've added an element that was missing from our lives!

2008-05-07T07:14:00.003-07:00

I made a really easy cabbage roll dinner the other night. We have a freezer full of organic beef that I am always trying to use in new ways. We only use it a couple nights a week, but I like to try and think of different uses for it. I happened to have everything on hand for this recipe, and we really liked it. Plus, if I don't have to buy anything extra for dinner, I'm super happy!

Yesterday was not a good day. PMS and I do not mix well. Since I've had kids, I usually don't feel quite as effected by hormones this time of month. However, yesterday was the exception. I woke up crabby, achey, and miserable and continued to feel that way throughout the day. My poor husband. The kids I can handle, because I don't want to take out my anger/frustration/bad mood on them. It's not always easy when I feel like exploding all day, but I can manage. However, my husband is another story. Our day went like this:

Husband says something, I get mad.

Husband apologizes, I still feel mad.

I apologize and feel horrible for being mad, realizing I snapped for no reason.

Husband says something else, I get mad.

Husband apologizes, I still feel mad.

I apologize and feel horrible for being mad, realizing I have snapped AGAIN for no reason.

And on and on and on.

It was really lovely. I am surprised he didn't just take a frying pan to my head and knock me out. And then continue to do so every time I start to wake up over the next few days. At least that way he could have been assured that he'd live through the next few days.

On a happier note, I went to town to do some grocery shopping last night by myself, which was much needed. Not just for me, but for the rest of my poor family! Anyway, before I come home I usually stop at Borders if I'm by myself. Last night being the beautiful night it was was no exception. I even finished my grocery shopping in record time, since I'm trying to spend less. I find if I don't just wander the aisles of the store I don't spend as much!

Okay, back to Borders. They always have a table of markdown books outside, but I don't usually find anything that grabs my attention. Last night, though, there were FOUR tables of markdowns. I perused them for almost an hour, found four books I couldn't reisist, all for only 3 or 4 dollars each! So exciting. Totally made my bad day good.

Until I got home and my husband spoke, that is...

Thank goodness today is a new day.

May weekend

2008-05-06T07:45:00.002-07:00

Very busy weekend! Lots of driving, not much sleep, but still-totally worth it. We had a really great time, the kids did the best they've ever done sleeping away from home, and it showed me it is possible for us to go to Oregon in July.

We put all three of them together in one room, each in a play yard, with their bedding from home and the same lullaby CD playing as the one at home. They slept really well both nights, and took pretty decent naps. This is a HUGE milestone for us, as we have had to go home from overnight stays in the past because they won't sleep!

I got up early, around 6:00 am Saturday morning, which is a time I never see the light of day. I just don't have a reason to be up that early. I slept really poorly the night before, so needless to say, I had quite the time getting myself out the door. I did manage to leave by 6:45, though, and headed on my way. Well, after a quick Starbucks stop.

The drive from Helena to Bozeman is so incredible. It was a gorgeous day, just me, my iPod, and the road. Although, after about an hour, I realized I was nearly to Virginia City on a road that was bumpy, curvy, and had absolutely no shoulder on it. I was supposed to be on the freeway, nearly to Bozeman by that point. So after a few phone calls to my mother-in-law, then Emily, then Carl, I turned around and headed back to the fork in the road where I went straight instead of turning. It was a little frustrating to be so late, plus to have to drive so far out of my way, but I was rockin out to Shakira right about that point so I wasn't too concerned!

We had breakfast at a darling little lesbian-owned cafe called the Nova in downtown Bozeman. I have to add the lesbian-owned part, because it seems to be an integral part of the restaurant for some reason. It was so cute, and had awesome food and coffee. It was so great to catch up with Em, and Jonathan even was able to stop by and chat with us for a bit. I don't think we've been able to even spend any time together like that since they got married, so it was really a great day. I stopped at Old Navy and Gap on the way out and found the kids a few things for summer, and a few really great clearance items for fall, too!

I wish I had some pictures to share with you, but of course I forgot to buy batteries for the camera. So I don't.

We also got to see Carl's good friend Sam, and his wife Emma. They had twin boys four months ago, so it was sort of like stepping back into the past. Two crying babies, new parents, the tiredness, frustration, joy. Good times! Although, I am very thankful to have survived and be on this side of them.

Okay, so that's our weekend. It was awesome, and I hope everyone else's was as well.

Who reading this uses an apple computer? Can anyone give me reasons to buy an air over just a macbook? I need some help with my research...

Yay for Friday!

2008-05-02T14:28:00.002-07:00

Whew, what a week! We leave for Helena tonight, which I should be packing for, and I am exhausted. I'm taking a blog/iced tea break to re-energize myself. There is awful construction going on in town, so it takes, like, five times longer than usual to do anything. I dropped Caden off at speech therapy, took the girls with me to TJ Maxx to buy a new pair of sunglasses (I sat on my lovely Kate Spade pair last week. I cried. Literally.) and splurged on a pair that cost a whole $8.00. There's no way I'm throwing my money away on something that I will most certainly sit on sometime in the next few months. Sunglasses and I do not mix well.

Anyhow, other than pick up a dish from Angie, plus get a quick glance at her new little guy Tyler (who's oh-so-cute, by the way!!!) and a play yard we're borrowing from another friend for the weekend, we headed home THREE HOURS LATER. I couldn't believe it. Plus, we're driving my brother's huge Ford F-350 Crew Cab to haul stuff back, so I felt like I was in a semi the whole time. And I thought a Suburban was big.

My tomato seeds have already sprouted! They're so cool looking! Nothing else is really up yet, but hopefully will be after the weekend. I'm just so excited something is actually growing! Yay!

So, tonight we drive to Helena, which is about 3 or 4 hours away. We'll get situated, put the kids down, and go to bed whenever they finally settle down. Then tomorrow morning, I'm going to get up around 6:00 and then head to Bozeman by 6:30 or 7:00 to have breakfast with my good friend Emily. Well, I won't get there until 8:00 or 8:30, but you get the picture. I am actually looking forward to the drive. Should be pretty beautiful, plus I'll be ALL ALONE, which is so very, very rare! I am super excited; I haven't seen Emily or her husband Jonathan since last summer, right before they moved. Which reminds me, they've been married almost a year! Happy Anniversary, you guys! It'll be such a treat to catch up and spend a little time together. None of my friends live here anymore, and the getting to know new people thing has been pretty slow going, so I feel really deprived of female companionship! Well, other than my wonderful internet friends! ; )

Hope everyone has an awesome weekend! I'll try and take some fun pictures to share!

Tried but not so true

2008-04-30T07:10:00.002-07:00

What a week, and it's only Wednesday! I have felt totally exhausted everyday this week, and I'm not really sure why. I haven't even begun to pack for the weekend or anything! Since we were outside all last weekend, the house was in a complete disarray on Monday morning. I've almost caught up our mountain of laundry, and even have most of Carl's clothes ironed. So I can't figure out the lethargy. Must be about that time of the month.

All this talk about rice, and corn, and our economy is starting to get to me. I mean, when it was the housing market, I just thought that this seemed rather typical after so many years of prices steadily rising, sales steadily rising, low interest rates, etc. The gas prices irritate me, but there's not really anything I can do about it. I mean, I live in Montana-everything is 15 miles away. I have to drive, and I have to buy gas to do so. I've just made cuts in other areas. But the whole food thing is just too much! Seriously, how many areas can they get us in? I am literally spending the same amount of money on basic groceries as I used to spend on really great, extravagant meals. I think it's definitely good for me to learn some frugality, I am actually enjoying doing things a little differently. I'm so proud of myself when I remember to keep lights turned off, use less water, make only necessary trips to town, cook with what I have rather than exactly what the recipe says, buy the kids used clothing, etc. But the sad part is that these changes aren't making us have extra money, rather they're just allowing us to get by. Crazy.

I'm going to have Carl put up a clothes line for me in the backyard so that I can hang our clean clothes out this summer. I really love how clothes smell when they hang to dry, plus I won't have to use the dryer. I can't wait!

So, I baked my bread yesterday from the no-knead recipe. Becky was right, it is good, but very crusty. I baked it for the minimum time recommended, but the outside is a little hard for my liking. But the inside was really very good. I think I'll try it again, but bake it for less time and see if it's better. I was actually really surprised that the tast was as good as it was, since it only has flour, water, salt and yeast. So simple! I used to love bread making, but haven't really had the time since I had the kids. However, since I'm staying home more, I have more free time and it's nice to do something I enjoy that also gives us the benefit of homemade bread!

Does anyone have any bread recipes they love that always turn out great?

Randomness

2008-04-28T20:49:00.003-07:00

Here are a few pics of the kids that I took last week.

Cece has a thing for putting stuff on her head. She thinks it's hilarious. She'll put a towel on her head, like in the picture, and then either crawl away or run away with her head down, laughin really hard. It's weird, but cute. Caden found this toy drill, and played with it for HOURS. Avery was posing for me, asking if I was going to take her picture. So cute!

Friday Caden got his cast off! He did really well. Apparantly it takes a while for kids to walk after they've had a cast on. He's only tried a few steps at a time so far. He's really happy it's gone, though. So am I-I can't wait for him to be back to normal!

I planted my seeds Saturday. Although everyone was right, and it was really easy, it was still really fun. I can't wait to see if anything actually grows! I planted alyssum, lupine, verbena, snapdragons, and a bunch of other flowers that I don't remember the names of. Plus, I did some tomatoes, as well as a bunch of herbs. Nothing out of the ordinary-two types of basil, rosemary, thyme, oregano, chives, dill and cilantro. I've done herbs before and had pretty good luck with them. I can't wait to use them in my cooking this summer!

We had really gorgeous weather this weekend. We were able to get a ton of stuff done outside. We're nearly ready to plant our grass! Or lay our sod, we're still not sure which we'll do. The kids got to play outside bunches, and loved every minute of it. It made me so anxious for nice weather! I had forgotten how much fun it is to play outside with them. All they had to do was draw with their sidewalk chalk or play in the dirt, really, but they still had a blast. They covered each other in dirt; I literally had to hose their hair out there were so many rocks and twigs that wouldn't come out! But it was worth it. We put a doggy door in that goes from the garage to outside last weekend, and the kids discovered it yesterday. Caden went in and out a million times. I have a couple cute pictures of them doing this that I'll post soon.

I am trying out a bread recipe Becky passed along today, and will bake it tomorrow. I'll write more once I know how I like it. I'm super curious what it'll be like, since it's a no-knead recipe. So easy! Hopefully it's tasty too.

Well, we're off to Helena one last time this weekend before Carl's parents move out. They have sold their house and are moving to eastern Montana to be near their family, and we are taking a few of the things their getting rid of. We are going to borrow my little brothers big Ford pickup so we can haul stuff back, and he's going to use our Suburban. I am a little anxious as to how the kids will do overnight, since they're so freakishly weird about sleeping only in their cribs, but other than that it'll be nice to get away for the weekend. I like Helena, it has so many historical landmarks, so many absolutely ancient buildings that it's really fun to visit and be touristy.

So, sort of a boring post... but that's a quick summary of our weekend! Hope everyone else's was great, and that Monday wasn't too horrid!

Just for giggles

2008-04-25T06:57:00.003-07:00

I read this yesterday and thought it was just too cute, and had to post it. My son may only be two, but we've already experienced a few of the items on this list. I can only imagine what the next 16 years hold for us!

Boys...

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 200 m2 house to a depth of 10 cm.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust balls and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 20 Kg boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 6m x 6m room.

5.) You should not throw cricket balls up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a cricket ball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-glazed) doesn’t stop a cricket ball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘uh oh’, it’s already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies,

10.) Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how many jelly crystals you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
14.)Pool filters do not like jelly crystals.

15.) VCR’s do not eject ‘BL&T’ sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that smell is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Brisbane, Qld, has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

80% of Men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.

How does your garden grow

2008-04-24T15:01:00.003-07:00

After all the talk of gardening, growing
things, etc. I decided to go ahead and
pick up a few seeds to start. I'm not
really quite sure what to do with
them, but I'm going to read all the instructions that came with the packets, as well as maybe google some stuff to see what I can come up with. The lady that helped me at Lowe's said that I should just buy these little plastic pots that are all connected together, and all I had to do was add water and the seeds. So, that's what I did. I have one big one for flowers and a few herbs, and the a smaller one for some tomatoes. She made it all sound so easy; a little too easy, really. I have never really had a green thumb, or any green appendages for that matter, so I'm not sure what the outcome of this venture will be. You may even remember my tulip incident from a few months ago, and be wondering what the heck I'm thinking. I'm not actually certain myself what I was thinking. But, now I have all the supplies, I may as well give it a try. I'll update you with pictures, and hopefully something grows so that I'm not just showing picture after picture of pots of dirt.

On a sad note, our dog chewed my iPod charging cord, and I sadly cannot listen to music while I plant. I'm also not very happy with the dog; he's outside until my husband comes home. With a new iPod cord.

But I do have a happier note to end on. I found a FREE lawn mower today! I check our local Freecycle group daily, and usually I'm too late to get anything good. But someone south of Polson has a couple lawn mowers they're giving away, and no one has claimed them yet! Yay! We don't have one, since we've never had a yard of our own, and will need one once we put some sod down (or plant grass, we haven't made that decision yet). I am actually not sure if either one of them work, but we're going to give it a try. I'm so excited for spring!

Room Rearranging

2008-04-23T14:54:00.005-07:00

I thought I'd post a picture of Carl and I, since I never have any of the two of us. We went to town for a little date on Sunday afternoon, did some grocery shopping and had lunch. It was really nice, seeing as how we never get to do this! Rearranging

No, the below picture is not an orphanage. We moved Cece into the twins' room this weekend, and their room isn't very big so this was the only way we could configure three cribs. They LOVE it. Cece hasn't been sleeping very well lately, so we thought we'd try putting her with Caden and Avery. She was previously by herself, by the way. She adjusted immediately, no more crying at night, no more fighting going to bed, and they don't care if there's one more in there! They basically only sleep in their room anyway, so I figured making it a little more cramped wouldn't hurt.

I also thought I'd include a picture of the chaos that is the new playroom. We had initially thought to make it a guest room so people wouldn't have to stay in the basement, but it just sort of evolved. Beautiful, isn't it? The good thing is, the kids are loving it, and although it's hard for me to leave it that way, it keeps toys out of the rest of the house. They spend most of their day back there! It's so cute to see them starting to play with each other instead of just alongside one another.

Cece's First Birthday

2008-04-22T07:43:00.003-07:00

Busy weekend! Grandpa and Grandma Hansen, Great-Grandpa and Grandma Hansen, my parents and sister all came over Saturday for Cece's birthday. As I am learning, nothing goes very as-planned for a one year olds birthday party. Which was okay, actually! I really didn't plan anything. We went out to breakfast Sat. morning, which was way more chaotic than it was worth, but we were showing our house (it's still on the market) and had to leave first thing so it worked. We then did a few errands to kill some time, headed home, put all three kids down for a nap, and then I realized- I HAD NOTHING I NEEDED TO DO. We had cleaned the entire house in anticipation of the showing, my mom was bringing the cupcakes (apparently I went a little nuts on the twins' birthday with my baking hundreds of cupcakes until they were JUST RIGHT) and we had decided on pizza from the Costco food court because the kids love it and it's so much easier than me making it all from scratch. Although I really love making pizza, it was absolutely the best decision I have ever been forced to make in my life! I didn't have to do one single thing. So, I went into my very clean, good smelling bedroom and took a nap. On a Saturday afternoon. Now, to some people, this is probably a common occurrence. Or at the least, not at all a disturbing statement for someone to make. For me, however, it was MONUMENTAL. I cannot even recall the last time I've taken a nap. Not when I was pregnant with Cece, not after she was born, not EVER. I just don't nap. I cannot slow my mind down in the middle of the day, so I really don't even try.

After the wonderful relaxation of the afternoon, my parents arrived with the pizza, we ate, chatted for hours, watched the kids play, ate yummy white cupcakes with pink icing and green sprinkles and gave Cece her presents. She loved them all, and I loved them all because everyone obeyed my demands of DO NOT GO OVERBOARD. It turned out to be a very nice birthday. Other than the fact that it was sub-zero and a blizzard. But hey, I live in Montana-I seem to forget that fact a little too frequently.

2008-04-18T08:03:00.004-07:00

Gorgeous morning here today. We're supposed to have SNOW this weekend, unfortunately, so I'm really relishing the sun over the lake today! Maybe I'll take a picture and post one today. It really is such a beautiful view we have.

Busy day today-lots of running around town to get things done before the in-laws get here. Our dog needs a bath terribly, so he's getting dropped off as soon as we arrive in town, then the kids get dropped off at therapy, then I take Cece with me to buy her a cute card and some sort of little gift. I'm not good at gifts when they're this little-I mean, she's one! What do you buy a one year old whose only occupation is chewing on everything she lays eyes on?

I've been really contemplating all of the political drama that's been going on. I don't really have strong feelings for or against any of the current candidates. While I was growing up, my parents voted strictly republican-you know, the whole no-abortion, no gay rights reasoning. Which, I am still totally pro-life, but not because of my family or upbringing, but because of my own personal convictions. However, I do not believe any president, republican or otherwise, is going to change a woman's right to have an abortion or a gay couples right to be. I believe that this is the world we live in, and we have to learn to exist within our own beliefs amidst the condition of our world, whatever that may be. I don't feel called to a mission of changing the world to see my own point of view. Diversity is good, for more reasons than I can even think of.

That being said, I am very surrounded by Christian right-wing-or-die folks in Montana. Which I hate. I am absolutely repulsed by the "we're better than everyone else" because we're "Christians", "our way or the highway", "I am a republican because that's what I am told good Christians are" attitude. It is very popular in our conservative state. I should add I am not attempting to make a remarkable political statement here. I am only fed up with the pious attitude of people... I consider myself a Christian, but what does that really mean? It means something totally different to each and every individual. To some it means only attending church every Sunday. Well, I fail even in that category, seeing as how we go when we can manage to get us all out of the house. But the more important matters, the ones people don't see, where do I stand in my own heart? I'll continue this later, after more contemplating. After I read Becky's post All He Asks, I found myself first thinking, Wait! You can't walk away! Then the more I thought about it, I began to wonder what my own response was. Not what I want my response to be but what it REALLY was. I don't really have an answer to that question...

Current thoughts

2008-04-16T11:30:00.003-07:00

I just realized I titled yesterday's post "March Pictures". Hmmm. Since it is now April, and has been for over two weeks, I'm not sure about that one. Oh well. That's my life in a nutshell.

Cece's birthday is Saturday, she'll be one! I can't believe it's been a year already. It seems like just yesterday we were anxiously waiting for her to arrive. I remember how scared I was this time last year. Caden and Avery were only 15 months old, but were more like 12 months (if that) and I was so afraid of not being able to handle all of them. I didn't think it was possible to adequately love three kids. A friend of mine had told me she felt the same way with each child after the first, that she didn't think her love would stretch to the new one. That there wasn't enough to share three ways. She explained to me that instead of sharing a certain amount of love, God seemed to give her a whole new portion of love for each child when it was born. I thought that was so neat, but didn't really feel like that would happen to me. Then when Cece was born, that's exactly what happened. It's weird to look at three children, each so different, each so special and dear to your heart, and love each of them with the same intensity. I can't imagine life without any one of them. They have each made my life richer than I ever could have dreamed.

Because of Cece's upcoming birthday, Carl's parents, grandparents, and maternal grandmother will be coming to stay for the weekend. My parents will drive down for the day on Saturday, since they only live 45 minutes or so away. I think we'll make pizza and cupcakes like we did for the twins' birthday. All three kids love homemade pizza, and it's so easy to accomodate a large group of people that that is what we usually end up doing. It'll be a full house, but we're looking forward to it! I love having meals to plan when we have company coming, so the next few days will be fun. Well, busy, but still really fun!

On a completely separate note, I'm reading The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende, per Becky's recommendation, and am LOVING it! Such a good book! I'm almost done with it, and have a copy of Eva Luna to start next. I love discovering new authors. I feel like I fly through all the books of the ones I love so quickly, I'm always searching for someone new. So when I've just started reading a book by someone who already has lots of different books published, I can't wait to start reading everything they've written.

I'm off to shower, and then head to town. I am going into the college to talk some more with an advisor. I'm trying to pin down what classes I need so that I can possibly get started this summer. Can't wait!

March Pictures!

2008-04-15T15:20:00.010-07:00

Okay, so here are the new pictures. I know that the way they are layed out makes this a really long post, but it's a little better than the mish mash I usually end up with!

A very tired Avery!
Here is a picture of our new (well, not anymore I guess!) Suburban. My Dad was here yesterday and washed it for me, so it's nice and clean which doesn't happen very often. :)

Caden and his cast, hangin out on the couch with his blankey. Notice the bed-head! He can only have sponge baths, which he HATES for some reason. So his hair has been looking pretty wild lately!
The twins on the couch watching something. Probably Baby Einstein.
Caden getting away from Avery, because she won't leave his cast alone. She loves to pick at it! Poor boy!
This really isn't the best picture, but I haven't been able to get any of Cece lately, she is just too quick. She is finally walking, and she does not want to hold still for a picture.
A few of Ave's with her blankey and giraffe. This giraffe is her lifeline-we go NOWHERE without it!

A shot of the cast by itself. Cute, huh? We wrote on it, but you can't really tell amidst the cammo!

He spends a lot of his time lying on the floor. But as you can see, he's not too upset by this fact!

The new dog, Brody. He's been so sweet so far. We know he's lab, mixed with something. We think maybe some sort of hound. He has HUGE paws! Sleeps a ton too.

She's trying to say cheese and smile at the same time. It doesn't work very well for her!

Weekend fun

2008-04-14T21:09:00.002-07:00

I haven't been online all weekend, because our ethernet cord was chewed through. No, not by one of the kids! Although, that wouldn't be too shocking. By our new puppy, Brody. I have waited over a week to mention him, being too embarrassed by our last dog experience. We did find out, by the way, that the other dog, Zoe, got a very good home. So, we decided to give a younger one a try. He was 12 weeks when we brought him home, now almost 14. He wasn't house trainded at all, but he's already doing SO WELL! He is super SUPER mellow, calm, lets the kids do absolutely anything to him doesn't jump on me, has short hair, and is adorable. All in all, he has fit in very well with our crazy, rambunctious family. I actually like him! So, Carl is happy, we have a dog that will now be a permanant fixture around here and he is loving it. (He loves dogs and has wanted one for some time.)

Anyway, I did take a few pics of the kids, the dog, the car, etc. I put them on the computer, but still need to resize them. SO, tomorrow I will hopefully get that done and put a few on here.

We had a nice weekend. My friend Angie's mom threw her a surprise baby shower on Saturday afternoon, so I went and took Avery. We had lunch first, where I let her sit in a chair all by herself with no booster seat. You would have thought she'd died and gone to heaven. She loved our fun day together. We walked all over downtown Bigfork, threw rocks in the river off of the bridge, and then had punch and lime cheesecake at the shower. It was fun to catch up with a few other girls I don't get to see very often. Avery played with the toys they had, and had a blast. Fun day! On Sunday, I helped teach the 2-4 year olds in Sunday School for the first time. Wow, am I glad I don't have sextuplets or something like that. It was actually really fun, but I was still glad to come home to only three toddlers instead of the 15 or so we had in the class! My parents came over after church, and my dad and Carl cut up the trees we cut down when building for firewood. My dad also brought one of his new four-wheelers, so Carl and I went for a nice long ride together while my parents played with the kids. Lakeside is a very small town, but they're really starting to develop it up in the hills behind us, which makes me sad. There is a new subdivision that is connecting our road to the road Becky used to live on, which is several miles away. I can't believe how many houses are going in! This valley just never seems to stop growing.

Gonna get some sleep now, hopefully you'll see some pretty pictures sometimes tomorrow!

Where does my mind go?

2008-04-10T08:51:00.002-07:00

So I really can't believe I haven't posted about this yet! I just received a comment from someone, which triggered my memory and I realized I haven't updated everyone on my mom!

Last week, she went in for her check-up with the oncologist for bloodwork to check cell count and seratonin levels. Apparently these things will tell them if the cancer is still gone or not. Both tests came back completely normal! Yay! What an awesome report to hear! God has been so good concerning that situation. She doesn't have to have another check-up for a year now. So much relief upon hearing that.

Also, my mom and I are going to some sort of girls get together tonight with women from her work, and she will be giving me her camera again so I'll take some pictures of the kids, especially Cade and his cast. It's camo and so cute! He got the permanent one on yesterday, and did really well. He only has to wear it for two more weeks, so that's not bad at all. I can handle two weeks. I'll post more later, he's stuck betweent he couch and end table for the moment and needs "hep".

2008-04-08T13:58:00.002-07:00

You may or may not know that I can be very OCD. I have a certain way I like most things done, and if they're not done that certain way, I literally have a panic attack. I seem to have been loosely diagnosed as having General Anxiety Disorder. I think that that's such an ugly word, so I just think of myself as being a little particular. I have been taking a combination of flax oil, fish oil, and vitamin E the last few weeks because I've read that it can be a natural way to sort of balance me out. Apparently my weirdness can be caused by a vitamin defficiency. So, I'm giving it a try. We don't have health insurance right now, so I don't really want to go to the doctor. Plus, I am not the one that sees my obsessive cleaning/organizing/planning a problem, my husband and family are. I figure I've always been this way, so they can just get used to it. :) They disagree, and seem to think that I will be much happier if I can just chill out a little. Their words, not mine.

The thing is, it's very hard with three toddlers to keep everyone on the same schedule everyday, or to keep things completely clean and in order. Actually, it's also very hard to keep my husband on a schedule and clean and in order! But, I still try very, very hard. I can't help it, I'd go crazy if I just "let things go" as I am told to do. But, since Caden's accident the other night, I am unable to do things as I usually would. He needs a ton of extra help, plus the girls have nasty cold right now, so they're pretty needy as well. So it seems that I am going to have to learn to be laid back for the next 3-4 weeks, at least on the outside. I may have to become an excessive wine drinker for the time being, but that's a different issue!

That being said, Caden is actually doing really well today. He is really adapting quickly, just like I was told he would. He is moving himself around more, sort of crawling/scooting/rolling, and then sitting to play with whatever he can get a hold of. He has been pretty happy today, too. They all slept until nearly 10 this morning, I guess making up for the lack of sleep the previous two nights. It was so nice, I was able to get a bunch of organizing, cleaning, reading, etc. done before anyone was up! Needless to say, it started my morning off exactly the way I like it, and I was much more prepared for my three little whirlwinds.

My poor boy

2008-04-07T11:00:00.002-07:00

Yesterday, I took the girls with me to my parents house for the afternoon. Some friends were in town from Oregon, staying at my Mom and Dad's for the weekend, and we wanted to go spend a little time with them. Carl and Caden stayed home, planning on finishing the gates for the fence they've been working on. They were almost finished, about to hang the gates, then go in for dinner. I was in town with my family, Dale and Wanda having dinner when Carl called, said he was taking Caden to the Emergency Room. I didn't believe him, figured it was one of his weird jokes. (Although he does get carried away with joking, I can't honestly say he would joke about something like this. But it was still my first reaction.) He then explained that he had turned his back to grab the last few screws he needed, heard a funny noise, turned around and saw the gate that had previously been leaning up against the house falling towards a little boy. A little boy who was trying to run from it, realizing what he'd knocked over, but wasn't fast enough. It caught him as he ran away, landed on his legs, throwing him face down on the hard dirt ground. Carl threw the gate off of him, grabbed Caden who was screaming, clawing at his Daddy for help. He took him inside, inspected him, turned on his favorite Blues Clues DVD, tried to console him. What he saw was that Caden wouldn't bear any weight on his right leg. He then threw him in his carseat, and hurried through the twenty minute drive to the hospital as quickly as possible.

We had just finished dinner when he called. After lots of fearful tears, we met them at the ER, which was only a few blocks from where we were at. Caden is such a little trooper; as long as he had a few books and some crayons and paper, he was okay. Based on his demeanor, I think the ER staff thought we were hugely blowing this out of proportion. He was his smiley, silly, stranger-loving self. Well, until the doctor came in and started poking and prodding his lower right leg. Poor boy, he just didn't understand. They gave him some tylenol with codeine, did a few x-rays, and decided he'd fractured his tibia. The best kind of break you can have, apparently. I wasn't sure that a break in my two year old son's tibia was so good, but they told me this was good news so I continued to listen. They put him in a temporary cast from mid-thigh down to his toes, we will go get a permanant one in the next few days. Too much swelling for the permanant one. He only has to wear it for three to four weeks, which doesn't seem too terrible to me. He only has to take some motrin or tylenol here and there, and is handling it famously. The biggest challenge is keeping him still. He DOES. NOT. LIKE. to sit still for long. But, he'll have to adapt I suppose. Last night was horribly rough, he seemed to be in pain, and wasn't happy about not being able to move around like normal in his crib. But he did eventually sleep, from about 4 a.m. until 9 or so. He went down for a morning nap like a champ, too, so I think each day will be easier then this first one. At least that's what I'm telling myself. If anyone has any ideas on how to keep a two year old occupied for weeks on end without his usual running and climbing, pass them along! Once his other cast gets put on, I'll post a picture of him. It's sad to see someone so little with such a huge cast!

I suck

2008-03-28T06:18:00.003-07:00

The dog went back to the shelter. We tried, it didn't work. By the time she'd been here for a week, I actually had gotten used to her energy, being followed by clickety-clackety toenails all over my house, the hair that seemed to be popping up everywhere, her being on my bed and me not being able to stretch my legs out the entire night, etc. BUT, take notice of all caps there, she SNAPPED AT MY KIDS. TWICE. She seemed to have the idea that whatever she happened to take a liking to promptly became her possesion. Which meant that NO ONE should touch it, or even think about touching said possesion. Even if that was my son's five hundred dollar foot brace. Which now has dog teeth impressions in the toe. I cannot stand for my kids to be at risk of being bitten by a snarling dog, so she had to go. I know that we could have worked with her, I know it's really sucky to take a dog from the pound, only to take it right back. Trust me, I know. I cried all the way there, moped around the house the rest of the day riddled with guilt, and thought about it as I feel asleep.

But then I woke up. To a house with no dog. So, naturally, I did what I do best. I cleaned.

Valleys

2008-03-26T20:26:00.002-07:00

Life can be so disappointing sometimes. A few years back, a family that my family had been friends with for a number of years told us that "God told them to stop being friends with us." Now, I won't even go into my opinion on that phrase, other than to say that I don't have a whole lot of respect for them anymore. The hard part was, these people were like a second family to me, yet they would hear of nothing to do with any type of reconciliation. I still cannot even think about it for longer than 2 seconds without becoming steaming mad at them. It hurt me so much to think that we, I, meant so little to them that they could just write me off like that. We have'nt heard from them since, and it's been five years now.

I bring that up because I've been feeling very let down by people lately. It's so hard when someone you really love/trust/depend on/look up to lets you down. Whenever this happens, I feel hurt/sad/disappointed/confused by whatever the issue is, but at the same time, I feel guilty for feeling that way. I don't want to put such high expectations on someone that they couldn't possibly live up to them even with their most sincer efforts. I also don't want to be judgmental when someone doesn't live up to the ideals I have set for them, because I certainly haven't lived up to what I expect from others in my own life. I have done plenty of disappointing, letting down, hurting, confusing etc. as well as made plenty of poor choices. But the thing is, that doesn't change how it makes me feel when it happens to me.

I think there are often people in our lives that seem to us to be above reproach. You know, someone who seems ultimately dependable, always understanding, constantly encouraging, a great role model... But at some point, if you view someone in such a way, they are bound to fail you. NO ONE can live up to some of the expectations that I tend to put on people! I just don't handle disappointment very well, I guess.

I want to love the people in my life regardless of the choices they make. I want to be there for them no matter where they are in life, no matter how hard it is for me to deal with some of the yuckiness, for lack of a better word, that is humanity. Sometimes when confronted with others' troubles, others' sin, others' crap, I just want to bury my head. I don't want my view of the people that I love to change. I want them to remain untainted in my mind.

But that's not reality, is it... Reality is being there when you can see someone walking into a valley of shadows and death, when you watch someone destroy their potential, when you watch someone slip back into the mire. Being there for them right where they are, right when they are at they're worst. Not waiting until they get things together, not waiting til you get to say "I told you so", not berating them with every step.

This life is so full of bumps, bruises, pain. Even when things are smooth within your own little world, you can be so affected by others' trials. But I am trying to learn how to be a support, a shoulder, an anchor; how to look pain and suffering in the eye rather than turn away in fear, in uncertainty. I am trying to remember how to draw on the strength I find in quiet time's with God, so that I can even attempt to handle these things. Even more then trying to remember, I am trying to learn in a new way.

Tomorrow's a new day.

I've been a mother for two years

2008-03-24T07:30:00.002-07:00

Yesterday was the two year anniversary of our bringing Caden and Avery home from the NICU. Nine weeks to the day after they were born, at 4 lbs 5 oz and 5 lbs 5 oz we wrapped them up in blankies, padded their tiny little bodies in those huge infant seats and strapped them into my Subaru. There wasn't room in the backseat of our car for one of us to sit with them, so we stopped a million times on the three hour drive home from Missoula to check on them. Funny thing is, in those million times, neither one of us noticed that Caden's oxygen was turned off. He rode all the way hom with no oxygen. Being the new mother that I was, I began crying the minute we reached home and realized what had happened. Although, looking back I wonder if that's part of why he was only on his oxygen one more week rather than the months they had predicted.

We slept with both of them between us the first few nights, although there wasn't much sleeping going on. They both were on apnea monitors, and you don't really sleep through the beeping they do.

I can't believe it's been two years. What ups and downs we have been through since! But, oh how it was worth it. They amaze me a little more each day.

Yesterday we hid little plastic neon colored eggs in the yard for the kids. Caden was out helping Carl and Papa build the fence while I hid them, so as I finished he noticed what I was doing and ran to the first egg he spotted. He immediately sat down in the dirt, popped open the egg, and upon discovering of all things CHOCOLATE inside stuffed it in his mouth and took of looking for the next egg. They were so shocked to get to eat chocolate in the middle of the day for no apparent reason! (Chocolate, at our house, is usually only reserved for pooping in the potty. So for Avery, this is enjoyed fairly frequently but for Caden it is a very rare, special occasion!) I think they consumed more candy yesterday than they have in their entire little lives combined. But they loved it, and it was Easter, so I pretended it didn't drive me mad thinking about it. I made sure their teeth were extra shiny before bedtime.

We had wanted to make it to church yesterday morning, but Cece has come down with something and we couldn't take her to contaminate all the other babies so decided to stay home. The girls wore their gorgeous little dresses anyway, and Caden wore his adorable little robin's egg blue polo under his Carhartt overalls. Compromise, right? I'll make them wear their cute clothes next week (and probably for several weeks after to make the price of all of it worth it!) and I'll take a few more pics to post. The girls really look adorable in those dresses.

Since we didn't make it to the service, however, I decided to download Levi's Sermon onto my iPod before I took the dog for a walk. I only listened to a part of the podcast, but it was really great. I am going to try to finish it today. He is literally one of the ONLY pastor's I have ever been able to listen to and enjoy. Makes going to church a little more motivating, that's for sure. One of the things he brought up is that any of us can have as much or little of God in our lives as we want. Which made me think about how little I choose to have in my own life. He wasn't at all telling people to come to church more often or anything like that. Just that God is so near us all the time, is all around us, yet so missing from most of our lives. I know I always feel nearest to God when I am outdoors. In the house it's hard for me to think of anything other than the kids, housework, etc. But outside, I can feel him. I don't have to search, or wonder I just know. Since that's a rare feeling for me, I enjoy it when it does happen.

Anyway, my evening walk was wonderful. Our meal was delicious, although I ended up making a few lemon meringue pies instead of the cake. All of it turned out wonderful, we all ate way too much, but all in all it was a really great Easter. Hope everyone else's was lovely too!

Easter weekend fencing project

2008-03-21T07:52:00.003-07:00

Last night we went to town to look at fencing, compare prices, etc. We decided to take the dog again, but this time we let her sit in the middle seat with Cece instead of tying her up in the very back like I had earlier. This goes against every rule I have concerning dog owning, but oh well. It worked, she was lovely the entire trip. Apparently she doesn't like being tied up. I now could care less, as long as I don't have to have a dog bark at me for 3 hours.

We are going to put up a fence this weekend, for our yard. Well, to be more specific, Carl is putting up a fence, I will be inside attempting to keep the kids and dog tame on a Saturday when he should be inside doing it instead. But seeing as how my fencing abilities are probably not the greatest, this is how it will have to be. Maybe I'll bundle all the kids up and just let them run wild with the dog. We'll see how long it is before our neighbors complain about the little visitor they will inevitably have!

I'll show pictures of how it turns out. I'm excited, because after we have some boundaries for our yard, we will be able to landscape a little bit. At least figure out where to put some grass for the kids to play in this summer. Can't wait!

I hope everyone has a very happy Easter! We are having my parents over for Marmalade Glazed ham, sauteed leek scalloped potatoes, roast asparagus and homemade rolls. Plus 1-2-3-4 Lemon cake for dessert. On Saturday Elyssa is coming over to stay with us, and color eggs with the kids. I am going to put together little baskets for the three kids, with a little chocolate bunny, a few jelly beans, a coloring book with a mini packet of crayons for Cade and Ave's and a new book for each. They'll love them!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

We did something stupid.

2008-03-20T14:27:00.002-07:00

We brought home a dog from the Animal Shelter. I know, I realized how crazy that is. Three children under 2 and a half, and a DOG? Well, the fact that I am sitting on our couch crying my eyes out is a testament to how stupid that decision was.

You see, ever so often I look at the Flathead County Animal Shelter web site to see what kind of dogs are currently in there. Most of the time it's a bunch of big, ugly black lab mixed breeds that look mean. However, they are very overloaded with dogs lately, and have had a lot of different kinds of dogs. I saw that they had a one year old purebread golden retriever, and seeing as how we always had golden's growing up and I absolutely love them, we decided to go take a look at her. When we got to the shelter, we found out that someone had already adopted her, so we went to look at the other dogs instead. We came across a small English Spinger Spaniel/Border Collie mix. She was so cute and sad looking we decided to take her out in the yard to see what we thought of her. To make a long story short, we brought her home. She was fine the first night, and then the next day.

Today was a whole different story. We went to town, and she barked the whole time we were in town. She went nuts in the back of the suburban. My kids were crabby and screaming, the dog was going nuts, and I felt like screaming or barking myself.

She really is a sweet little dog. We call her Zoe, and she's very good in the house, good with the kids, etc. But she is a little high strung, and I am not sure I can handle more craziness in an already crazy house.

So, we are now dog owners, but I'm not quite sure how long it's gonna last.

2008-03-18T10:56:00.003-07:00

Here is our Cece today with her pigtails.
She's very happy today, all four of her new
top teeth have come in so the pain seems
to have subsided. She cracks me up with
her hair like this!

I had to post one picture of my Mom's new
puppy, Izzy. Isn't she adorable?! The kids
had so much fun with her this weekend!

Also, I have been looking into my classes I need to finish my english degree and get my teaching certificate, as well as applying for grants. We were really hoping that we would be eligible for something, so that I wouldn't have to take out too much in loans. I just found out that the amount we qualified for in grants should completely take care of my schooling! I am so excited! This is so much better than I had hoped for! If things work the way I think they will, I should be able to take a few summer classes, and then go full time in the fall. God is so good!

A Dress for Miss Alyssa Star

2008-03-18T07:29:00.002-07:00

A prettey toile summer dress for your new little girl! Conratulations Kristen!

If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle.

Vincent van Gogh

Pictures!

2008-03-11T16:09:00.008-07:00

Okay, so once again my pictures look ridiculous because I cannot for the life of me figure out how to get them where I want them. So I guess this is going to have to be good enough. I may work on them a little more later... This is driving me nuts. So these pictures are pretty random, but all are from the last couple of months. Some are from the kids' birthday, a few are from a trip to Second Street Pizza in Whitefish, one of our favorite pizza places, and the rest are us at home. The picture of Avery sleeping on the couch is especially significant because our kids ONLY sleep in their own cribs. Well, Ave's has taken a liking to our bed, but they have never, ever fallen aslepp on the floor, the couch, in a chair, etc. I guess that show's how exhausted she was last Sunday!

Well, I hope you enjoy them. I am extremely frustrated at the layout of this post. I can't believe I cannot figure this thing out.

Oh, also, the one of Caden crying in the corner is what he looks like in timeout. I find it hilarious that all we do is stand him in a corner, and he is devasted to tears EVERY TIME! Crazy. Plus, he never leaves his corner until we tell him to! It works like a charm.

What a week!

2008-03-07T15:43:00.002-07:00

I really am planning on posting some new pictures. Honest! I just need to find the time to get around to it. I'm thinking maybe this weekend. We don't have much going on, so maybe I can find some time to myelf to put some up. I have a few cute ones of the kids I'd like to share.

I haven't written much lately, being busy with so many other things. I started painting this week, and finished my first coat of paint in the living room. It turned out really nice, it's so nice to have color on the walls! I hate white rooms. I am hoping to do one more coat this weekend. I told myself I would finish one room before I start another, since I have such a horrid habit of starting something and not finishing it until months later. So when I'm done, I'll add that to the list of pictures to post!

I joined this online group on myspace called Montana Mama's a few weeks ago, but haven't really looked much into what it is. It doesn't look like much more than an online community as far as I can tell. However, I did come across a post from a new mom in Kalispell who was in need of clothes for her 3 month old little boy. I have already gotten rid of Caden's baby clothes, but I had a bunch of stuff size 12 months and up. I dug through the boxes I could get through, and ended up with a whole box of nice, cute little boy clothes and shoes to give her. I even found all the toys the people at the CDC here in Kalispell gave the kids for Christmas (I had boxed them all up because my children do NOT need any more toys) and gave those to her as well. She seemed truly blessed to have them, and I am hoping that they will get good use. I love to be able to pass things on to people who are really in need. I have been saving all of our baby stuff for just such an occasion.

Over the last couple of weeks, Sienna has been slowly weaning herself. We let her have water, soy milk, and very occasionally juice in a sippy cup. I have really pushed the cup with her so that she didn't turn out like C and A drinking out of bottles for life. But, because she sees them drinking out of a bottle or a sippy, that's what she wants. So even if I didn't give her other fluids, she still wasn't interested in nursing. I tried a few different things, but she just wouldn't nurse anymore. She would SCREAM if I tried to make her, which always ended up with me in tears passing her off to Carl so that I could settle down. I was so determined to nurse her as long as I could, or as long as she wanted to, which I was sure would be until at least 18 months. So it came as sort of a shock when she was the one who did't want to anymore, and at only 10 months. The thing that really shocked me, though, was my own reaction to it. I mean, I was disappointed, but I didn't think it should really be that big a deal. It was though! It has been quite the adjustment for me. I felt so sad that my last little baby was getting so big! She didn't need me anymore. I have had many nights of crying, wishing for a new little baby to snuggle. It seems so crazy to feel that way, (at least to my brain it does) but nonetheless, that's what I've been going through these last few weeks. I haven't even wanted to talk about it, because it made me too upset! But, I am fine now, and sanity has returned. I no longer wish for another baby, and actually feel a little bit of freedom now. I am filling out all my forms to return to school, and making plans for summer and fall. It's starting to feel fun; a new chapter, in a sense.

Better get some dinner going. Everyone have a great weekend, and I'll hopefully get some new pictures up soon!

Our new wheels

2008-02-27T14:00:00.004-07:00

Well, we are finally buying a vehicle big enough for all of us. Last spring, our Landcruiser died unexpectedly, and we sold it for parts. It was not in the greatest shape, and was needing more work to fix it than it was worth, so we decided to move on. We have been borrowing a car from Carl's parents for the last several months, so that we have an extra car other than Carl's that he drives to and from work, but it's a tight squeeze. Surprisingly, all three of the kids' huge Britax carseats fit in the backseat, which made it possible for us to get by until now without something with more room. However, we only planned on doing it for a few months, and now it's been a lot longer than originally thought. So we have been looking around lately, deciding what would work best for the five of us. We were leaning towards a van, until we went and looked at a few used ones that gave me horrible flashbacks of being a child riding in friends' vans that smelled like old fast food and had sticky residue on every surface. I'm only partially kidding about that. I have never been a van person, and Carl definitely was against the van idea. I like the idea of a van, but when actually picturing myself owning one, I just couldn't do it. So no offense intended for all you van drivers/lovers, but it turns out vans aren't for us.

So, in the end, we ended up with a Chevy Suburban. I know, I can just hear the gasps of disbelief. I realize that a suburban is probably the least eco-friendly vehicle we could have chosen, and I also realize that had we waited only a short time longer we could have purchased the new fuel effiecient/hybrid suburban thing that will come out shortly. But the thing is, I am not paying $50,000 for a car. Absolutely not. So, with our budget to be taken into consideration, the room needed for us, (we really wanted a third seat) and the winter conditions here, we decided on the nice white 2002 Suburban a young couple in Kalispell was selling. We pick it up today, and I must say I am quite elated. No more pulling over because someone has bitten someone else's fingers, or because the toy given to Sienna was taken by Avery who had it stolen by Caden who threw it on the floor. My children will be separated as far from each other as possible, in the far recesses of our new family car. Sienna will now discover what a car ride is like with a toy to chew on, and Avery will actually get to look at the book she chooses to bring with her. As for Caden, if he throws his book and blankey on the floor the minute the car leaves the driveway, he'll just have to learn that that probably wasn't the best gameplan for the ride to town.

Maybe I'll post a few pictures tomorrow. I'll show you how happy our faces are with a little elbow room. : )

Unwanted Catalogs?

2008-02-26T16:06:00.002-07:00

So, I probably get around 10-15 catalogs per week in the mail. I look at two or three of them, and then throw them out. Even the ones I glance at, I never order from. Why would I, when it's so much easier online? Everytime I go to the post office, and our box is crammed full of mail, only to discover that it's ALL catalogs, I tell myself that I'm going to call each company and cancel them. But, of course, I don't. I don't even remember that I was going to, until I find the box jammed again a week or so later.

Anyway, all that to say I found a link on my friend Karli's page to a website called Catalog Choice. All you have to do is register with them, (it's really quick, it took like 3 minutes) and then choose the catalogs you are receiving but don't want to. It took me about 30 or so minutes total, and I ended up being able to cancel nearly 40 catalogs! I couldn't believe I was receiving that many. I am thinking it's also a great way to save a little money, because if I am not seeing all those wonderful new items right in front of me, I will hopefully purchase less junk online.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2008-02-14T11:34:00.002-07:00

I think my children are starting to become somewhat well-behaved. I am actually not sure if it if just me, or if they really are changing, but either way I like it. Caden has become a mama's boy, and Avery is becoming more adventurous, less shy. Sienna is the same as always, just older, so even more rambunctious than ever. I swear, that girl fears nothing. She will climb anything possible, and then dive headfirst right back off of whatever she's managed to get on top of.

In honor of Valentine's Day, I decided to rid myself of some body hair. This is a rather disgusting topic, I know, but it's also a momentous event and must be brought up. I am horrible at shaving my legs in the winter, no one sees them anyhow, so why waste my precious time is the way I see it. But since this is supposed to be a romantic day, I thought that it would be quite the treat for Carl to see my legs looking slightly less man-ish. Quite the gift, huh? Actually, he is also getting a box of horrid chocolate covered cherries. Horrid to me, mind you, not him - he loves the slimy little things. We're not really doing much else, though. Maybe we will go to dinner, just the two of us, this weekend, but not sure as of yet. Tom and Nancy, Carl's parents, are going to be here for the weekend, and since we don't see them very much I hate to be gone when they're here.

We are all feeling so much better! I am so happy to be over that rotten sickness. What a miserable way to spend your weekend! I think I have sufficiently sanitized every surface in our house at least twice, possibly three times. It no longer makes my skin crawl to touch every surface in our house. Although, the kids' sickness has turned into a cold of sorts, which means I am chasing them around with tissue most of the day. Isn't winter fun!

Lastly, I should add that the sun is out today! I am so happy I can hardly stand it. Waking up to the sun coming up over Flathead Lake was the best gift I could have asked for. I had begun to just accept the grayness, so this was a wonderful surprise. I cannot wait for spring!

We are so sick!

2008-02-07T16:58:00.000-07:00

Last night, around 10 p.m., Caden woke up crying. He sounded funny, so I went and got him up pretty quickly. He was coughing, and seemed sickly. We held him and Avery for a little while, and then put them back to bed without trouble. He woke up again about an hour later, we did the same thing, and again they went down easily. Around 11:30, he was screaming so we ran in to get him, (Avery is always awake if he's awake) grabbed her, too, and brought them into our bed. I held him for a little bit, which made him fall asleep, so I laid him down in our bed but that startled him awake. I should also add that it was nearly completely dark in our room. I laid next to him, trying to comfort him, but also wondering what that strange feeling was on my legs. I thought he had himself so covered in snot from his running nose that it had made it's way to my legs. Then I noticed that I was still smelling puke (Si had thrown up all over her carseat the previous day, and I thought I just couldn't get the smell out of my nose). So as I quickly turned the lamp on, I just knew.

Sure enough, he had puked. He was covered, his beloved blankie was covered, and I was pretty well coated as well.

To make a long story short, he was puking every hour to start, Avery started in around 2:00 a.m. and Carl around 6:00 a.m. The twins and I were up from 2ish on doing laundry, because I knew there would be NO sleeping in our household until they had their blankies, not to mention Avery's giraffie. So after a million loads of laundry, which was actually quite comical, with the two of them crying, staring into the washer as they watched their stuff go round and round while blankie and giraffie had "baths", I went and slept for an hour or so while Carl sat with them. I felt able to function after that. I have luckily not been joining them in the vomiting fun as of yet, and hopefully will not have to. I have been sick off and on all week, but no vomiting. So for most of the night they were all leaning over buckets every ten or fifteen minutes, but it seems to have subsided, and they are taking a wonderfully long nap.

I had heard about a 24 - 48 hour bug that was hitting people really hard, but not lasting very long. I guess one of the schools around here closed for a day or two because so many teachers and students were sick, but were okay a couple days later. I am really hoping that is what will happen in our case! It is SO not fun caring for two sick two year olds, and their sick dad. The dad of course is sure he is dying the second he feels nausea coming on. Men.

Hope everyone else is feeling well, and can avoid this miserable bug!

Birthday Fun

2008-01-31T10:54:00.000-07:00

On Sunday night, we (Carl, Mom, Dad, brother Todd and I) went to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants Pescado Blanco for my birthday. It was the first time we have ever left the kids with anyone other than my parents, and since they came along, that wasn't really a possibility. We asked two of the girls who are managers of the wrestling team at Flathead to babysit, along with Elyssa, my littlest sister. The girls are both 15, and we figured between the two of them plus E. things would be manageable.

I expected horrifying displays of sadness when we left, so I prepared myself in advance, telling myself that no matter how upset they were, we were still going to go. They would be fine, right?

So imagine my shock and disbeliefe when the girls walked in, (they've never met them before, mind you) and C and A each ran to one and wanted held. We gave instructions, kissed all kids goodbye, and walked to the door. What did those little angels do? They smiled, waved, and said "Bye bye!" gleefully. We called several times to check and make sure everything was going alright, and strangely enough, it was. Not a tear, tantrum, or fight among them.

Carl says it just goes to show I am horribly overprotective, and we could have been out enjoying ourselves for months now, had I not insisted that they were not ready to be left.

I say that it just goes to show that I knew the exact time and place they would be ready to be left with someone other than family, and in the future he would do well to always trust my motherly intuition. :)

We did have a wonderful time, it was such a treat to be out with no children, and at such a great restaurant. Good food, good wine, great evening - I'm sure my 24th year will be wonderful, with such a positive start.

Also, Carl gave me a beautiful, cobalt blue Kitchenaide Mixer for my birthday. It is so pretty! Which is good, because I am trying not to bake, being the new healthy me and all! So it is sitting on my counter, sad and lonely.

Anyone have any good, healthy recipes for desserts? Pass them along, if so! Otherwise, my mixer is going to continue to be lonely for quite some time.

My first hot yoga experience

2008-01-30T21:53:00.000-07:00

was, surprisingly, really great! I started this process by googling Flathead Yoga. I only got three actual sites: The Summit, Flathead Yoga, and Flathead Hot Yoga. They are all pretty similar, the only real difference being the temperatue of the room at Healing Sun (Flathead Hot Yoga) and the times offered. In the end I chose hot yoga simply because they had better time options for me. Carl isn't finished coaching until the middle of February, so I can't go until he gets home around 6:00 p.m. The class I went to tonight was at 7:15, perfect for me to leave intructions for Carl, have dinner ready for the kids, and make it there a little early.

One of the more appealing aspects of going to Healing Sun was the flexibility, not just of their class times, but of the classes themselves. They are very open about what you can and can't do, basically leaving it open to each person doing what they are comfortable with. This works well for me, because I have never been to a yoga class. I have done pilates at home, but this was totally different. I have to say, I LOVED it! I was a little apprehensive, considering I have been to inactive since I had Sienna. After going, I see now I had no reason to be. I really was able to rest when I needed to, vary the poses if need be (my muscles are SUPER tight) and make the experience whatever I wanted it to be. The room is kept at 105 degrees - I know that sounds ridiculously hot, but it's actually not that bad. I mean, I was sweating like crazy, but it was a good feeling. The only time I felt fatigued was when I needed a break, and my muscles were all trembly, but not from the heat but from the fact that I am horribly out of shape. The class was 90 minutes, and incredibly relaxing. Plus, the sweating is supposed to be awesome for your skin; something to do with toxins.

Anyway, I totally recommend hot yoga for anyone who is interested in yoga in general. I love it! I feel so relaxed, plus have that great feeling you get after a really good workout. So if you can find one near where you're at, try it out!

Beautiful Silence

2008-01-30T15:35:00.000-07:00

I went to the post office to pick up our mail yesterday, and found that the copy of "Raising your Spirited Child" that I had ordered from Amazon a few weeks back was finally here. I have already read the first two chapters, and it looks like this book will be a great resource for me, not just for Caden, but Avery and Sienna as well. All three of my kids are fairly intense, the girls in different ways than Caden, but still intense in their own way. The author wants parents to be able to view their child's strengths, instead of weaknesses, as well as view traits typically considered "weaknesses" as strengths. I'm anxious to read more!

It's actually interesting, because lately, since starting the evaluation process for sensory integration disorder, I have began to realize that Caden doesn't really exhibit the traits he used to that had us so worried. He still gets intensely upset if you take a toy away from him, or move him from something that he is really into, but I think that is fairly typical for a kid his age. He is eating SO much better. He used to completely refuse bread, crackers, cookies and anything else with a dry, crunchy/crackly texture. But for the last couple of weeks, he has been eating whole wheat toast with his sisters every morning. He also has been loving the whole-grain goldfish crackers I buy for the girls, and even tried a few different coookies lately. So maybe he was just going through some weird picky phase - although, broccoli is still his favorite. We eat it at LEAST five times a week, but probably closer to ten. Oh well, at least he's naturally a health-nut!

The kids are all down for a nap right now, and I am going to finish a few chores while enjoying the silence before I get ready to go try out my first hot yoga class. I have had no excercise for so long that I am a tad bit nervous about my stamina, but am also excited. The instructor I talked to at the studio said that it takes 3 or 4 classes for your body to adjust to the hot room, so I am determined to give it a few weeks before deciding on whether or not I'll continue. Either way, I am going to be out of the house alone for several hours time, which is a huge treat. Actually, I am going to talk to someone at the college about what I am interested in doing to finish my degree tomorrow night, so two nights in a row! Woo Hoo!

I'll let everyone know if this hot yoga is all it's hyped up to be tomorrow!

We are officially potty training

2008-01-29T11:35:00.000-07:00

Avery, as of last week. She has been doing so well! She uses the potty at least once everyday, sometimes more. I actually caught Caden today right before he pooped, and sat him on the potty seat, and he went on the potty! He was so proud of himself, it was so cute. I don't know if he'll start being more aware of bodily functions now or not, but I am really hoping so. Until now, he has never shown any interest as of yet.

Caden has now had two appointments with his Occupational Therapist, Rita. She did a full evaluation, but we won't find out the results until this Friday. She checked out his fine motor skills, which he has never been great with, and decided that he is right on track with no delays! This is so awesome, because when he was six months old they told us that he didn't use his right arm properly and probably never would. They had said he would always have trouble with fine motor, so it was surprising to hear her give me such a great report! He still definitely uses his left hand more, but that is probably due to being left handed. He had his first appointment with a speech therapist last Friday as well, and that one went really great too. Lori, the ST, said that he was about a year behind (so around a 12 month level) which means he qualifies for therapy, but she also was very encouraging about what speech he does have. She said she doesn't think there is really anything "wrong", only that he needs a little help. So he will be seeing her on Fridays from now on, in addition to Leslie, his PT, and Rita the OT. They all agree on the fact that all of Caden's behavioral problems are most likely just that, behavioral. The tantrums are probably the result of not being able to communicate, being a little delayed in his large motor skills, and being two years old. So that is really good news! Hopefully with a little therapy, he will overcome each of these issues.

So the job hunt may be over for the time being. I haven't had much luck so far. Each place I applied wants me to be available more time than I can be, which isn't really possible. This is actually a good thing, because I think that I would have been jumping into something prematurely. I get so stir-crazy at times, that being anywhere other than my house seems pretty appealing. My plan has been to start taking classes in either the spring or summer, and I am not going to work and go to school. There just isn't enough of me to spread myself out that much! So if I am patient for now, I'll have school before long. One thing I really didn't want to do was end up with a job, and then put off going to school. I am afraid with me being the procrastinator that I am, I would put it off until one day I realize that I'm now 40 and never finished school. This wouldn't matter if it wasn't something I really want, but it is, so I am going to continue with our original plan and hopefully be taking at least few classes by summer at the latest. I am also going to go try out a hot yoga class at this studio between Kalispell and Whitefish tomorrow night. I am excited to get out for something that is good for me, mentally AND physically. I need something like that so badly! I'm also very curious what I'll think of "hot" yoga. Hopefully I don't pass out: )

Pictures of Twins' Second Birthday

2008-01-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

As I am sure you can see, I suck at uploading pictures on this thing. I cannot for the life of me make them do what I want them to do! So here there are, in a random, haphazard order: Caden and Avery's second birthday pictures! You'll notice that most are of Avery, because Caden wouldn't hold still long enough for a decent picture.

You'll also notice the absence of clothing in a few. Avery was reduced to her diaper and new horse slippers by the end of the evening (her favorite outfit, by the way) and Caden to just a diaper. Caden had conveniently found someone's Coke sitting somewhere, and had hidden in the corner to drink it. I didn't think I had to worry too much about the amount of caffeine or sugar he had consumed, considering most of it appeared to be ON him, rather than IN him.

I decided to make homemade cupcakes for them, instead of using a boxed cake mix, which was not the brightest idea. I forgot the baking sode and the vanilla the first time (attention all mom's with under three children: stop at two! or even one! after the third, your mind is shot) so the first batch of cupcakes had a nice crater in the middle, as well as the density of a rock. So I then made a second batch, so that I completed a total of six hours baking cupcakes. I should also add that Avery only ate two bites, and Caden threw his on the floor and wouldn't touch it.

They're getting boxed cake next year.

Caden and Avery turn 2!!

2008-01-19T22:00:00.000-07:00

Two years ago, on this night, my babies came into this world. Amidst crying, fear, worry, a host of doctors, nurses, nursing students, neonatologists, anesthesiologists, respiratory techs, and a bunch of other random people, my little, tiny miracles made their way into my heart, into my life.

Let me back up. I had been on bedrest for two weeks by January 19th of 2006. I had just started to prepare myself for the long haul in the hospital. I had a PICC line put in around one o'clock p.m., since they figured I would be there for a couple months minimum. I took a shower, unassisted, afterwards and climbed into my bed. I hooked up my sock thingys that were supposed to keep me from getting a blood clot, but really just prevented me from getting any good sleep, and got out a cross stitch project that my mom had given me to pass the time. I remember I had been re-reading the Anne of Green Gables series, and after reading nearly non-stop for two weeks, finishing them all again, and starting on a mixture of parenting books, marriage books, and random junk people sent me, I decided to try the cross stitch.

As I sat there cross stitching away, I realized I was having contractions. Not the usual Braxton-Hicks, these were a little bit painful, a little crampy. I told my nurse, which prompted them to turn up the magnesium crap I was on, which not only did nothing for the contractions, but had a wonderfully dizzying effect on me. Now, I was trying to cross stitch while my room spun at around 30 m.p.h. as well as ignore the horrible pain developing in my entire midsection. Quite the memorable experience. By five o'clock p.m., they turned the mag up again, gave me a shot of something in my shoulder for backup (which caused me to shake like a person with Parkinson's) and made me lie on my left side (of course). When none of this had helped by around 6: 30 p.m., they decided to check my cervix and see if I was dilated any further than the 4 centimeters that had landed me in there in the first place.

As soon as my nurse had her finger you-know-where, a horrible look came over her face. She turned absolutely white, and said to me, "Honey, you're having these babies tonight."

I burst into tears immediately. I was completely dilated. Not 9 centimeters, but 10 full freaking centimeters. I had just gotten off the phone with Carl telling him that I was sure they would be able to stop the contractions, no he didn't need to take off from work early, and to pick up a thin crust pizza from MacKenzie River once he pulled into Missoula. So I was quite relieved that when I called him he was already on his way. He hadn't listened to me afterall, left work early, and would be there shortly. He had, however, stopped for the pizza. :)

Carl walked in the door right at 7:00 p.m., literally as they were pulling down the sidebars on my bed and wheeling me down the hall to a delivery room. He walked with me down the hall, held my hand, prayed with me, and held me while I cried when we were in the delivery room.

I was told my doctor may not make it in time, but that he was on his way and I would have a fill-in doctor until he arrived. I was not happy to hear this, to say the least. I wanted Dr. McCoy, and I wanted him immediately. Lucky for the other doctor, he showed up in the next minute or two.

Dr. McCoy highly recommended an epidural so that my contractions didn't prohibit me from focusing 100% on pusing, because once my water broke the babies would have to come quicly so as not to put any more stress on them than need be.

They gave me an epidural (during which Carl nearly passed out - he hates needles!), and then I was able to relax for a little bit. The epidural and prep actually took around an hour, so it was 8ish by this time. After everything was ready, my doctor had to break my water, and the first baby's cord came out first. Since we knew they were so tiny, my doctor decidede to forgo the emergency c-section that would normally have followed a cord preceding the baby and allow me to try and push. It only took a few minutes of pushing, and little Avery Grace Hansen was born at precisely 9:00 p.m., weighing 1 lb. 14 oz. and was 14 inches long. She was absolutely breath-taking. After a short break, they broke the second bag of water, I pushed a few more times than with Avery, and little Caden Carl Hansen was born at precisely 9:10 p.m., weighing 2 lb. 8 oz. and was 15 inches long. He was exquisite as well.

What a rush! I have never felt such an adrenaline high in my life! I didn't get to hold Avery at all after she was born. They whisked her away to check her out, put her on the ventilator, and into an isolette. I was able to hold Caden for a few brief moments before he was put through the same routine.

I won't bore everyone with the gory details that followed, (stitching up, afterbirth, etc.) but I will mention somethine funny that happened in the middle of all that was going on.

Some babies that are born that early (they were born at 27 weeks gestation) don't have their eyes open yet. Their eyelids are still fused together, sort of like a puppy or kitten. Not the best analogy, I know, but it's true. Caden was born with his eyelids still fused together, but Carl was unprepared for this possibility. So when he walked over to where the neonatologist was intubating him, he noticed his eyelids and said "Oh no, does he not have any eyes?!" The neonatologist calmly explained what was going on, and Carl was quite relieved. But we have laughed about this ever since, because he was horrified that our son was born with no eyes! By the way, they opened the next day.

What a day. I was up all night, reliving the entire thing, and although they should not have even been out of the womb yet, I was thrilled to be a Mama.

I will probably re-live some of the events of the NICU in the days to come, but that's all for now.

Tonight we had a family birthday party for them, with homemade pizza and cupcakes. They had a ton of fun, but were exhausted tonight. I'll post some pictures of their special day tomorrow.

The last two years have been pretty crazy, but it's all worth it when I look at those precious little faces. Or when I say "I love you Avery!" and she says "Iyuvootoo, Mama!" Or when Caden gives a huge, sloppy open mouthed kiss. I could go on forever, just to say that being blessed with my two little twins lives is worth more than any gift I'll ever be given. Words cannot describe our thankfulness for them, and all that they have been through, all that they have overcome. They are a living testimony of God's goodness, graciousness, faithfulness and love. I'll never get over the wonder I feel at the sight of them, but then again, I don't want to.

A little bit of everything

2008-01-14T15:55:00.000-07:00

Friday is the day. We have an appointment set up with the Occupational Therapist that works in the same office as the kids' PT for Friday at 1:00. I am actually anticipating this evaluation. I need to know if there are things triggering my kids, or if he is just an abnormally terrible two. I think I would rather there be Sensory issues; that, at least, I can work with. A bratty two year old boy? I have yet to hear a cure for that.

I hate hospital food. I hate it so much, that when I was on bed rest, I didn't eat anything in the hospital but fruit plates and yogurt. My doctor was angry that I wouldn't eat other foods; eat it for the babies, they said. But when I tried, I puked it all up. So what good was eating it, if I couldn't keep in down?

Everyday, Carl brought me food from somewhere, anywhere, that wasn't the hospital. (This was before kids, so we actually had money for these things!) Sometimes lunch, always dinner, always something good and palatable. I put on more weight in two weeks of bed rest than in the previous two months of pregnancy. (Note: That is what eating out steadily will do for you.) My Mom told me to stop being so picky. Such a baby I was! Just suck it up and eat hospital food. But, luckily for me, I had this great new husband, and he was probably still wanting to impress me. So I was allowed whatever I wanted. I mention this simply because this was one of our first bonding times. Silly, I know, but it meant so much at the time:-)

I'm looking for a job. Part-time, nights and weekends, just for a little extra money. We are more strapped financially with the new house, so it would really help. Plus, we've decided that it would be good for me to get out and "socialize". (At least that's what I'm being told by my husband and mother.) I think they fear my becoming too "hermitish". Here I am, so proud of myself finally becoming all domesticated (is that a word?), and they're telling me to lose a little of that domesticity that I have worked so hard to achieve! I'm not really complaining, I am actually excited at the prospect of venturing out of the house for a few hours here and there to just be me. Not Mama, or Wife, just Kelli. I'm not sure I remember who I am, but it should be fun remembering.

2008-01-11T20:59:00.000-07:00

The last coupld of days have been hard with Caden. Well, yesterday mostly. Today was okay. We are waiting to have him evaluated by an occupational and speech therapist to find out if he has a sensory processing disorder. The Dr.'s in Missoula have been wondering, and I have been wondering, so we will hopefully soon find out. He just seems to have days/times when something sets him off, but we can't figure out what. On days like that, like yesterday, all he seems to do all day is scream, cry, yell, bite, slam himself on the floor, etc. I, in turn, cry and cry and cry some more. I don't know how to handle him; I either become really sad, depressed, or angry. I don't know if he just has major two year old behavioral issues, or something more, which means that I don't know how to take care of the issues. If there is something more going on, we need to know what and know how to solve it. So as it stands now, we are just waiting. I'm sure that no one needed that much info, but I have no one who understands any of this stuff with him, and I need an outlet where I can vent.

I am sick and tired of taking him to the children's room at church and having them tell me about his fits, him taking other kids' crayons, coloring on their pictures, as well as a multitude of other bad behaviors. I try to explain that he is not your average two year old, but that doesn't seem to matter to them. I guess that this means that if you are not an average two year old, you had better not attend their Sunday School thing. So until we figure things out, I don't really think that we are very welcome at church. I'm not so sure I want to be welcome in a place that won't even try to accomodate a little boy that needs a little extra help anyway.

Enough about that. We are so happy in our house! It's so nice to have our own space! We are all loving it. I am actually excited for spring, I can't wait to plant things, to have a yard. I'll post some pictures of the house after some of the boxes are gone.

Reminiscing

2008-01-11T09:32:00.000-07:00

So I have been disconnected from the blogging world for nearly a week. We moved into our house on Sunday, and just reconnected yesterday. It's been a full,busy week! All of us adjusting to being in our new house, the kids in their new rooms, a new schedule free of the helping hands of my family, and unpacking a multitude of boxes.

I have always thought of myself as a person who doesn't have very much "stuff". I hate clutter, I hate collections. If I'm not using it, I throw it out, give it away, banish it from the house somehow. However, over this last week I have discovered that even people who do not have much still have a hell of a lot of crap to unpack. So that is what has been consuming my time-unpacking all our crap. It's been very productive, because the little we have accumulated over the last two years of marriage I am sorting through and boxing up to get rid of! I love it. Organization is hugely satisfying for me.

So something that I wanted to blog about this past week was the anniversary of the start of my labor with C and A. It sort of surprised me how effected I am on the 7th of January each year. Well, this year and last. So I am going to reminisce a little here...

Two years ago, on the 7th of January 2006, I was 25 weeks pregnant with twins. The 7th was a Saturday, and since it was January and the heart of wrestling season, Carl was away at a match. I went to dinner with my parents and some friends, and all during dinner had a stomach ache. Slight, no more than a tightening in my stomach. I just figured that I needed to go home and lie down for a little while.

My parents dropped me off at our house, and I immediately settled down on the couch to wait until Carl got home. I started to wonder if I was having contractions, but didn't really know because I had never had them before, and I was not in any pain whatsoever. I finally decided that yes, I was having contractions, and they were pretty close together-about four or five minutes apart. I called Carl, and he came home as soon as he got into town, but that wasn't until around 11:00 p.m. He called my then-doctor (a terrible women, really) who told me to just take a warm bath. He ignored her and drove me to the hospital to make sure everything was okay.

Things were not okay. I was dilated to 5 c.m. and they weren't able to stop the contractions, so the flew me to Missoula about 4 a.m., fearing that I was going to deliver en route. I was so drugged up on a million different anti-contraction drugs I couldn't even comprehend the terror of what was going on. We did make it to Missoula, and once there they were able to stop my contractions with magnesium sulfate, a horrible medication that made me so dizzy I couldn't keep my eyes open, and felt like my entire insides were going to be displayed all over my hospital room.

The next two weeks were so hard-I wasn't a mother yet, so I don't think that I was really feeling the whole "I'll do anything for my babies" instinct yet. I was so selfish, felt so selfish lying in that hospital bed. I wanted to go home, for things to go back to normal. I wanted the next three months to prepare for these babies, I wanted the next three months with Carl. We were supposed to have four months together before they came-instead we had one. One measly month of marriage, and suddenly we were parents. We didn't even have cribs yet! No clothes, no blankies, no baby lotion, diapers, or wipes. Carl and barely knew each other. How was he going to handle this? How was he going to handle me handling this?

Those two weeks in the hospital did phenomenal things for our marriage. Not quite as phenomenal as what we were about to face in the NICU, but still pretty damn great. We spent 24 hours a day together, in a tiny room, in the dead of a Montana winter. How could you not bond with anyone you're stuck there with. He supported me, he took care of me. We talked, we laughed, cried, played games, prayed... got to know each other. We may not have had the next three months, but we had those two weeks, and we may have learned more about each other in those weeks than in months at home.

I have so much more I have been reliving this week, but if I am going to put it in writing it'll have to wait until later. My kids are all sleeping at the same time, and I have to get in the shower: )

Snow day fun!

2008-01-02T14:11:00.000-07:00

Here are a few pictures of the kids playing in the snow the other day. They loved it! We all had a lot of fun! Even thought Caden looks miserable, he had a blast. This was the best picture I got of him-he wouldn't hold still unless he had fallen down. Boys:)

2008 in full swing

2008-01-02T13:47:00.000-07:00

We had a pretty uneventful New Year's Eve. We had considered going to a party at one of the guy's houses that Carl coaches with, but decided against it. Too much work packing us all up for the small amount of time we would have lasted. It turned out to be a VERY good idea-no one had mentioned to us that it was a formal party. Black-tie formal. First of all, I very seriously doubt that Carl and I have anything in either of our wardrobes to wear to this sort of thing, let alone our kids. I can only imagine the chaos that would have ensued had we went. Instead, we stayed home, put the kids to bed at their usual 8:00 bedtime, made some yummy stuffed mushrooms, and watched the Man in the Moon. It was nice, and we were in bed earlier than usual, which is sort of funny. I think we were all asleep by 10:30!

I woke up at 4:00 to feed Si, and as I was laying there with her, I wondered why Americans are so obsessed with New Year's Eve anyway. I simply do not feel the need to stay up until midnight to see the first two minutes of the New Year. I mean, God willing, I hope to see the entire year. Who cares if I sleep through the first several hours? (Can you tell I'm not a morning person?)

Carl and I left all three kiddos with my Mom and brother yesterday, and spent a few hours in the afternoon moving boxes and unpacking kitchen and bathroom stuff. We actually made quite a bit of progress. It is so incredibly satisfying to me to unpack and organize things. I loved it, it was hard to stop to drive home. It's nearly an hour from my parents house to ours in Lakeside, so that cuts into our work time. But all the same, it was so great to get started! I want to have all of our necessities put away and accessible for when we move in. I don't want to deal with the difficulty of letting the kids adjust to a new home while scrounging around for toothbrushes, towels, etc. So tonight, my Mom and I are going to go down after she gets off work to work on it a little more while Carl handles the mob here at home. Could be interesting, but I'm looking forward to it. A little break, as well as becoming a little closer to our goal of moving in by Sunday all wrapped into one night. Yay:)

I should add that a New Year's resolution of mine that I am working on is that I am trying really hard to be more frugal with our finances. In comparison to this time last year, I am doing much, much better. We instituted a budget last January, and I have stuck to it each and every month. However, I feel that I could do better. There are so many things that we think are necessities that really aren't. This is an area that I have always struggled in-I am a spender, Carl is a saver. But I am becoming a saver-at least, I am trying to! I guess what I want to do is build upon the lessons that I have learned in this last year.

Snow and the New Year

2007-12-28T11:18:00.000-07:00

We are supposed to get a big snow storm over the course of the next several days, so it should be a snowy weekend. I am actually looking somewhat forward to it; we haven't had much snow this year. At least not enough accumulation to go out and enjoy.

On Christmas Day, we bundled up all three kids and went out to play in the snow. We put Si in the Kelty pack on Carl's back, Caden walked/rolled around with Todd's dog Hank, and I pulled Avery on their new runner sled. It has this neat railing around it so that they don't fall out/off as easily. She loved it, which was so much fun, because Avery's past experiences with snow haven't been quite as successful. As we were getting them bundled to go out, and they were all screaming and squirming, I wasn't sure that we were making a very wise decision. But it ended up being a ton of fun, we all really enjoyed it.

I have really been pondering the upcoming New Year these last several days. I know that losing weight/getting in shape/being healthier is a very cliché resolution, but it will be mine (along with the rest of America). However, I have been putting a lot of thought into this. Sienna is eight months old, and it has taken me all of eight months to even think about getting back into shape, let alone actually care about it. I want to start being healthy again, kick the bad habits I have developed over the last two years of pregnancy and post-pregnancy. I feel like I am mentally preparing myself for a life-style change, which is a good thing. I don't want to start something, only to fall back into my old ways. I don't want to "diet", I want to be a healthy person, to set good examples for my children. None of this used to be an issue for me. I used to enjoy exercising, eating healthy, and feeling good because of that. For the last couple of years, the thought of any of that has simply been another burden in my life, so I haven't bothered with it.

I'll keep you updated on my progress!

So, I hope that now that my kids are getting older (hehe, like 8 months is "older") I will be able to return to a different way of living. Also that this will help my energy level. Let me add that if anyone reading this wants to point out that the level of caffeine that I consume per day may actually be taking away from my energy stores, don't bother. I will not be giving up my coffee.

Contemplating Christmas

2007-12-27T15:07:00.000-07:00

Aaahh, Christmas. That is how I feel this year. Not a screaming "aahhh", but a calm, contented, "Aaahh". I usually feel sort of let down after Christmas. All that preparing, and it never seems to quite add up to my expectations. I always feel that I put way too much time and effort into it, and for what? Not this year, though. This year was different. First of all, I stuck to my guns regarding gift-buying. This is not easy for me. I always, (and I do mean always) go overboard. I guess I may have, somewhat, with the kids, but not with everyone else on my list. Plus, I have a solution for the bounty of gifts my children received. I plan to re-wrap a few of them for C and A's second birthday, which is coming up on the 19th. They won't know, and they have more than they need, so I feel that this is a great way to keep their birthday stress-free as well!

We spent the weekend with Carl's family in Kalispell. Since we don't have anywhere for them to stay as of now, we attempted to stay at a hotel in Kalispell with them. You'll notice I said attempted. We stayed and toughed it out until 10:00 pm, but after two hours of screaming babies, running the risk of getting everyone evicted, and the worst headache of my life, we went home. All three promptly feel asleep in the car, my headache subsided, and we had a really great Christmas. The kids had so many presents, they actually got bored with them. I know, that is pathetic, but they still seem to be miracle babies to everyone we know (especially family members) and therefore everyone still feels the need to "bless" them with toys, clothes, etc. So what followed were several days of gift-opening. Another lesson learned. One gift each for their birthdays, no more. They like the boxes and wrapping better anyway.

I suppose I should have started out with this news, not ended with it, but oh well. My mom had four scans done last week, one a day for four days, that scanned different parts of her body to check to see if the cancer had spread- and would you know it, it hasn't. Every scan came back completely clear. I almost couldn't believe it. We found out Friday, just three days before Christmas. What wonderful, good news to hear. We had all the more reason to celebrate. This year has been so full-of the good, and the bad. But definitely more good than bad. It was such a special treat to have a good report like that to be thankful for this time of year. We are all so thankful for all of the prayer, the support, encouragement, and well wishes we have received over the last month. So thank you, to all.

Oh, also, we have decided to move into our house. I know that we recently had said we weren't, but I guess that was probably what God wanted at that time because we needed to be here for the last several weeks to help out my parents. Now that that season seems to be ending, we feel free to move on to a new chapter. So, over the next few weeks we will begin the transition into our first home of our own. It will be so nice to be in something of ours, and not a rental. I am really starting to get excited about it! I feel like I am definitely ready. A new start for a new year. It has a nice ring to it.

Icicles

2007-12-12T22:32:00.000-07:00

I'm fearful, but I don't want to be. I'm asking, asking, asking not to be, but I am. I have been doing really well with not dwelling on the unknown, but at times, it still gets me. Always, always when I least expect it. When things are at their best, something hits me. Something reminds me of the unknowns in my life. My kids, my mom, our housing...

My mom goes in for her first appointment with the oncologist tomorrow at 2:00. Against my better judgment, I looked up a few things on the tumors they found. Of course, the result was exactly what I had figured-fear. I found horrible things. Depressing things. Nothing hopeful, at all. So now I am remembering that my hope is not in statistics, it is not in other people's stories, it is especially not in what I read on the internet. It is in the only one whom can handle all these worries of mine. Carl always tells me to stop googling things. I get too worried, too worked up. There is no one around to answer my questions after I read that I probably have a rare bone disorder because of my headache, or that Avery could quite possibly be suffering dwarfism because she is small, rather than I simply have had too much caffeine and my daughter is just a petite little girl. So I had better go back to my don't-google-my-worries philosophy.

I am longing for sunshine. I am jealous of everyone out there living in warm environments. I used to love snow. I don't know what has happened to me! Over the last two years, I seem to live for summer, fall, and spring. Anything but Montana winter. It makes me wonder how long I can live in a place with such long, cold, dreary seasons. I need to take my children for a walk without bundling them for an hour beforehand, only to realize that they now need naps and we won't be going anywhere. I need some exercise! I need warmth. But, I will have to settle for throwing another stick of wood on the fire, because there appears to be no warmth in my future. At least, not for another six or seven months.